Family Camp - 2010

We have spent this weekend with 11 other families from Alleluia Lutheran out at Camp WAPO in Amery, WI. It has been a wonderful opportunity to share laughs and grow in faith together. I am amazed at how God's spirit has been so very present at all times throughout our weekend...from family devos to campfire worships to scavenger hunts to sharing our meals together. God has been here...and blessing our time with great memories and a spiritual mountain top experience to take home with us.

As the leader of these types of events, I am often nervous for weeks before they happen. I worry about how each game and activity will be received. I pray over the scripture choices, songs and even the movie choices. Yes! I obsess on every detail! Why? Because I simply fail to remember that I AM NOT ALONE. I have a great team of adults to plan with (and share the credit/blame). And, most importantly, I have God's guidance moving me forward...taking those leaps of faith to even entrust 3 year olds with shaving cream!

Tonight, after worship and s'mores, I had my "aha" moment for the weekend. It came in the stillness of simply singing praises and old camp songs with Brian and Rob (our Director of Worship & Music) on guitar. Families had begun heading back to their rooms and the stillness of night settled in. Jay in a rare moment of exhaustion snuggled in my lap as we rocked and sang the words that touched my soul:

Jesus loves me.

This I know.

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong.

They are weak but he is strong.

Halleluiah....

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound,

that saved a wretch like me.

I once was lost but now am found.

Was blind but now I see.

Halleliah....

The words reached past my mind and into my heart. I was reminded that I was Jesus child. I was loved. And, I could see. Grace has brought me this far...and I belong to a God that is here.

A God who is present.

A God who is strong.

A God who is real.

And Time Flies....

Sporadic thoughts, tonight, friends...I am at camp with kids from church and decided to put down the thoughts in my head. It isn't perfect...but, it is here:

We only recently added a DVR to the workings of our home. I love that you can zoom through commercials and "sappy" parts (per the boys' request). It is this zooming sensation that struck me this weekend as I looked at our 4 kids. Time must have zoomed...because these beings are not little kids any more!


I cannot count the number of times I have heard "treasure these moments because they go by too fast" and variations on this theme. I can honestly say that when the children were newborn, 13 months, 3 years and 4 years of age, I was praying that they would move by more quickly! Between sleep deprivation and being overwhelmed by life, I simply could not imagine a time that didn't revolve around changing diapers, feedings and constantly being late for something! But, as with all things, life does change.


And, now I am struck at the changes in each of our children. Isaac has become this pre-teen with an awesome sense of humor. I am not sure when he and I became able to see eye-to-eye...and not figuratively. He can actually meet me eye for eye if I'm not standing up straight! Isaac has started to view life through his own lense of right and wrong. I know that it is just the beginning of my opinions and views being challenged...but, I still am in awe at his well-reasoned opinions.


I find myself staring at Emma. The music plays from Fiddler on the Roof....When did she get to be a beauty...when did he grow to be so tall...She still has braces and her mother's grace (which lead her mother to breaking her leg falling down the stairs and so many other "grace-filled moments"), but she carries herself as a pre-teen girl. Who is this youngster who can talk to me about the pros and cons of attending a new school using words like academic career and increased learning potential?

And, yet the irony remains that I don't feel old enough to be their mother. The mirror indicates otherwise, of course. There are age spots and the beginnings of wrinkles...not to mention gray hair...that has prevented me from being carded for over 15 years. But, I still feel like I'm 20 with the world ahead of me of conquer.

Maybe it is this irony that leads me to want to not only savor each moment with my children but also to have more children. On the one hand, I recognize that this moment with them is passing me by...the sounds of their voices, the way they look, or the activity we are sharing...it is all temporary. But, thank God I have these moments to treasure! And, on the other hand, I still have the energy and passion to expand our family and share our family with another little baby. It isn't nostalgia. I know that the moments and milestones that we have had with each of our children were and are unique and special. And, I cherish them...but, I still long for more.

So, tonight, as I head to bed, I pray this prayer of extreme faith: "Not my will but your will, Lord. Help me to cherish today and have the confidence that tomorrow will be filled with your blessings (and may I not fast forward through the best moments or just check out!). Amen."

An Old Lesson...Revisited

The girls and I headed to the pet store this afternoon. The purpose of the trip was to pick-up food items for our current houseful of pets...including crickets for the lizard. Since we had a bit of extra time, we headed over to the pet adoption area. Big mistake! The girls immediately fell in love with a gray kitten. Even though I had warned them before even entering this area of the store that (a) we would be getting NO new pets and (b) I loved their father and wanted to remain married so wouldn't be getting any new pets, both Hannah and Emma began their begging for a new kitten to add to our home.

I successfully got us out of the store without a kitten. I felt a bit guilty when I ended the final car conversation with the words, "you will have to convince your father to get a new kitten before I will even talk to you about it, again." In hindsight, this was another error in judgement for my afternoon. However, in the moment, I felt that neither girl would harass Brian because he is their dad and....well, he's their dad.

I don't think I had the car in park before both girls had launched up the driveway and into the house. I very slowly unloaded the car. Then, I raced into the house, dropped off the pet store goodies and back out to the garage for some cleaning time. I was hiding because in the short moments I had been in the house, I could already hear their begging and Brian's very firm "no." Thank God my husband is stronger than I am!

By dinner time, the girls had rethought their strategy. Kittens become a part of every conversation. We even had an interesting discovery by Hannah that the top of a pie at Perkins could look like the face of a kitten! It was during these final failed attempts that a memory flickered in the recesses of my brain. I had been here before. But, last time, I had been the beggar...

I think I was 13 years old. I had my mind set that I needed my very own pet to snuggle with...that would love me unconditionally, and I was determined to have a cat. My dad was very firm that his home had not and would not have a cat...that was that. I'm sure I began with a logical discussion and moved into begging without any success before coming up with my "move-dad-to-get-me-a-cat-plan." This plan was basically not to speak, smile or look at my father until I got my way.

I don't remember how long it was before I found a letter from my dad on my bed. Although I kept the letter for many years, I don't have it any longer. I do remember it said he loved me and that he was sad I was not talking to him. I think it said that he missed hearing about my day and seeing me smile but that he wouldn't be blackmailed into getting a cat.

I was shocked...and embarassed. I was called out for my behavior, but done so in love. I think that the letter said he wouldn't force me to talk to him or share my day, but that he hoped I would soon. And, in time, obviously, I did.

I am so very grateful that my dad didn't cave...although he did get me a puppy (but that is another blog in itself) at a later time. Clearly, he (and my mom) did an excellent job raising me! And, I think that it was because they allowed me to act out, but didn't hesitate to call me on it. There was unconditional love and boundaries. "No" meant "no." It was and it is a good thing!

So, tonight, my daughters went to bed with their hearts broken. There will be no new kitten at the Roesler household. However, I pray that this experience might be an important lesson in learning that there is unconditional love and boundaries in this home, too. And, it might just give them the upper hand when their daughter(s) desparately MUST have a kitten!

Lake Time...Family Time

What an awesome holiday weekend to share with the kids, Brian and my extended family! I was reminded throughout the weekend how incredibly important it is to laugh and relax TOGETHER!

Funny moments worthy of noting...

• I am no longer as young as my uncle and brother think I am. After my first "easy ride" around the lake, I decided that it was enough. I could still bend over, stand-up and raise my arms. This was a good time to "call it a day." However, when invited by my uncle to go on a relaxing ride at the end of the day, I found myself ready to give it another go. I was lured by phrases like "we will just be taking a tour of the lake;" "it will be an easy ride since the adults in the boat want to use this time to talk;" and "it will be a relaxing time for you, Trent and (cousin) Katie." Clearly, I lost my mind and actually believed that it would be all this and more. Visions of my sun bathed, size 4 body drifted through my head as I climbed onto the inflatable tub of death. I can honestly say that I don't think I have screamed so loud, laughed so hard and suffered with such joy in a long, long time! However, being the "more mature" woman that I am, I am still having a hard time using my arms for anything more than to fill out the sleeves in my shirt.


• My children bring me joy...both when they are awake and when they are asleep. I am not sure when the mind shift occurred over the past month, I began to look at my beautiful children as beings sent to suck the life out of me...one load of laundry at a time! This past weekend, I was reminded that the time I have with them really is a joy. There was still food to prepare (but far less to do as my mom is a rockstar!) and parenting that needed to be done. However, I realized that these "motherly duties" were once again a gift that I can give to my kids. It isn't an obligation that I have to view as such an awful, life-draining experience. Attitude truly is EVERYTHING. And, I am grateful that God gave me a few much-needed moments to realize that mine needed an overhaul!


• 
  
  My parents really do get wiser as I get older. I have a sign in my room that says

At the point a woman realizes that her mother really is
brillant, she has a
daughter who thinks she isn't.

Although, I am getting progressively out-of-style and dumber with each passing year as my children relentlessly march on towards their teenage years; the time I share with my parents helps to balance out the injustice their opinions can make me feel. They can share the memories of "You were just like Emma and...." or "See? You made it. They will also." And, the most treasured words to hear, "You are a great mom and have terrific children, Tobi. Hang in there!"

There is much more to share and photos that are sure to come. But for now, I will head upstairs to enjoy a much needed bath and good night sleep. I am continually amazed how vacation can leave me so fulfilled and exhausted at the same time!

Jay's Jeans....I mean GENES!

Recently, Jayden was having a rather rough evening. He had decided that he simply didn't want to be exactly the way he was any longer. His "issue" is one that both his father and brother shared, so I thought it would be good to have a sit down with both Jayden and Isaac.

Problem #1: I did NOT warn Isaac that this talk was about to come and encourage him how best to handle the discussion.

Problem #2: We were having the discussion in our basement...and Jayden was naked.

The result...

Isaac began to share with Jayden that he had this "issue" because of who his parents are. Isaac very kindly explained that he also had the same struggles until he was older than Jay and understood his frustrations. As a good big brother should, he explained that it was the family genes that made this "issue" a reality for the males of the family and that is why neither Emma or Hannah could relate. As Isaac continued to do his best to explain, Jayden announces:

I don't even wear jeans! I have NO idea what you are talking about!

Needless to say, it took both Isaac and I a few, silent seconds to figure out that Jayden meant jeans and we meant GENES.

I'm still uncertain whether we were able to get through to Jay...but, at least he knows he isn't alone AND we are still chuckling!

4th of July and the BIG Race

We started our morning, today, with the Park Rapids 5K. When I say "we," I mean my mom, sister, Isaac, Brian and me. Hannah and Jayden stayed with their Uncle Ian to await the Kids Run (1K) following the 5K/10K. What an awesome way to start our day!

Prior to the race, we had each determined exactly how we were going to tackle the race. My mom and sister determined that they would bring up the "rear" by walking; Brian and Isaac would run/walk with the pace of Isaac's choosing (with Brian's encouragement); and I would "run." Uncle Ian, Hannah and Jay would cheer us on at the Finish Line. The tasks were assigned and we hit the road with the sound of the starter's pistol.

Now, it could have just been the early hour or lack of caffeine or just a heightened sense of patriotism (and gratitude that Brian is home and with us unlike so many previous years), but I found myself highly moved and close to tears throughout the race. It hit me that this race was so much like life...so much like my Christian journey of faith.

First, I was running this race with my family. We each were tackling it a different way and in our own style...but, we were there together. Isn't that exactly how it should be in life?! Each person should and will use the talents and abilities that they are given to embrace life and move through it the best way that they know how.

Next, I was moved by watching how Brian encouraged Isaac to keep pushing. Even after he threw up (minor detail, really), Brian kept pushing Isaac to do his absolutely best. And, Isaac beamed...I mean beamed at the finish line with pride and excitement at this awesome task that he accomplished. The first words out of his mouth were: "I have to call someone and brag about this!" Now, I don't believe for a minute that we are supposed to get to the finish line of life and brag about our accomplishments to God. However, I do want to "look back" and feel good about how I finished the race...that I went through this life with honor, faith, dignity and love. I also want to be that person that encourages others to keep pushing...love others where they are at and encourage them to keep moving forward.

The variety of people throughout the race was awesome for a people observer like myself. I love looking at the unique canvas that God has created. There were tall, short, skinny, chunky, young, old, and so many shades of skin color. It was a reminder to me that we are all so unique and so different. Isn't it awesome that we are all different?! My book club last week was discussing how we are supposed to be unique...because fitting into the mold doesn't show God's unique calling that He has given to each of us. Today was truly a reminder of how unique we are!

Lastly, I was moved by the crowd (especially my own kiddos) as they cheered the runners towards the finish line. It is that great "cloud of witnesses" that is cheering me onward through my daily adventures. Unlike today's race, I am in no hurry to finish my life journey. However, I am so very grateful to have had men and women in my life like my grandparents, aunt and friends who are cheering me on through both the good days and bad days of life.

My book club is reading, "A Fresh Brewed Life," by Nicole Johnson. The essence of the book is to live life in the moment...and thank God for each and every day. With that book and today's race in mind, I am sharing my moment of thanksgiving and striving to live fully in this moment.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. -- Hebrews 12:1-2