So, I decided to go without coffee...

...and, I was reminded that I am human.

I spent most of yesterday yawning.  We are talking the big yawns that cause people to comment.  The type of yawn that leaves you worried that you might have caught something with your mouth.  So, after the better part of 6 hours of yawning, eyes watering and questioning my purpose in life, I took a nap. 

Two hours later...awake but only barely holding on, I realized that I had to have caffeine.  For fear that you think I am a quitter, I want it noted for the record that I still did not drink coffee.  But, I did manage to drink 3 diet dr. peppers before dinner.

I continually battle with the need to cut back my caffeine intake and the desire to remain a fully interactive and engaging human being.  As I was reminded yesterday, without coffee, I am pretty much a sleep-walking shell of a woman. 

In the words of Martin Luther (tweaked by me):  God gave us coffee because he wanted us to be happy.

Going to Have to be Humble...I guess

I'm going to Haiti.
Brian is going to Haiti.  (Thank you, Jesus!)
We will be reaching out and changing lives...and will be changed forever in the process.
I'm excited to have this awesome opportunity!

...but, it is going to take close to $4000 to make this experience a reality for Brian and I.  And, we are going to need help to get there.

I know that God will provide.  He has always provided.  And, even in the worst of times, we have always had enough to meet our needs.  But, this time, it isn't about "just me."  I'm going to need help.

This is NOT my area of comfort.
I do not even know how to ask for help...
And, really, I don't want to.

I have looked at the savings account.  $4000 isn't there.

We have done the fundraisers and with two on the way, I can project the figures.  The full $4000 isn't going to be there.  We have already been blessed...but, we are still so far from what we are going to need.

I'm going to have to ask for help.

This is NOT my area of comfort.
I do not even know how to ask for help...
And, really, I STILL don't want to!

But, it dawns on me as I stood in the shower, tonight.  (Really, it is the best place to do my thinking...)
Maybe.  Just maybe.  This is the first lesson in this entire experience for me.  I need to be humbled.  I need to ask for help.  I need to recognize my own limitations and simply give it up to God.

What a concept!
Nope...still not comfortable.  But, I feel the awakening beginning....

So, I'm going to try it out:

I need help raising the funds for me and my husband to go to Haiti. 
I need help...

Now, I just have to get up the courage to actually say it out loud...

Thanks, Emma. I'm going to Haiti.

As most of you know, I had decided that this was not the time to head to Haiti with our congregation.  With a handful of weak excuses and determination, I had decided that I would spend that week of August at the cabin with my family.  It was a good plan...or so I thought.

Then, came the Tuesday where I was jolted to change my mind.  I had been on the phone for the better part of the afternoon talking to others who were either going to Haiti or recently had decided they couldn't go.  Emma overheard the last discussion as I took her to piano lessons.  In a last ditch effort to procrastinate, Emma asked, "Mom, why don't you really want to go to Haiti?"

I was flustered.  I wanted to rush her into her lessons and make my next round of phone calls.  So, in my haste, I gave her a two word answer, "I'm scared." The truth of those words struck me.  Bottom line is that I simply was scared...scared to leave my kids behind.  I was scared to go to a country with such need and no quick solution.  Scared to make the financial sacrifice.  I was scared to tackle this major adventure.

In the silence, Emma responded, "Mom, that's okay.  I guess I'm the only one in this family who has to try new things.  Maybe you are just too old...." 

Wisely, Emma raced out of the car and headed for the door.  Guess the final dig on her mom gave her the motivation she needed to face her piano teacher.  But, I was left with the uncomfortable realization that I was not being a good example to my daughter.  And, fear is never a good enough excuse not to try something new.

I had been lecturing Emma about her unwillingness to try new things for most of her life.  I was frustrated that she continued to eat the same things.  Read the same author.  Listen to the same music.  She even prefers to wear the same shirts and shorts.  Change is not something that Emma willingly embraces.  And, now, in the car, I came to realize exactly where she "gets it from."  Lightbulb!

So, I picked up the phone and texted Brian that I was going to Haiti.  The good news is that he is going to join me so the adventure is even less scary!  And, since making this decision, I am confident it is the right one.  Amazing how the words of a 10 year old can cut through the haze and help lead me to the truth.

With all sincerity, thank you, Emma.  I'm going to Haiti!