A Day at the ER

I have always been a planner.  Frequently, just for the joy of planning, I can create Plan A, Plan B and move my way through to Plan J just so that I am truly prepared for whatever may happen.  However, lately, I have been hesitant to do much planning.  Whether it is making plans with a girlfriend for lunch or summer vacation plans as a family, I find myself putting off the plans.

I'm not sure if this lack of planning is a result of life experience or just uncertainty.  I am deeply familiar and appreciative of the well-worn quote:

"(Wo)Man plans and God laughs."

For almost two years now, we have felt a passionate calling to expand our family.  Each decision we make seems to put us farther away from adding children to our family.  We are still hopeful for that phone call and match.  And, so I wait...feeling powerless to plan because I don't know what the next day, week or month may or may not hold.

While I believe that this may be part of my hesitation to make plans, it isn't the sole reason.  I think a bigger piece is the on-going daily reminders that I can only plan and prepare for so much.  Even Plan Z won't cover the chaos that is a normal and natural part of living life as a human being with a husband, children, parents, siblings, friends, etc.  Today is a perfect (although extreme) example.

Plan A was fully in affect and going beautifully.  We have been saving money over the past year so that we could buy a boat for our family.  Brian has very fond memories of spending time with his family on the lake during his teen years and we wanted to provide similar opportunities for our kids.  We finally had the savings and the right boat came along.  Brian picked it up and brought it home on Thursday. 

This morning, the kids got up and jumped on getting chores and homework completed.  We were like a fine-tuned machine.  Teamwork was happening all over the house.   Lunch was done and we were on the lake by early afternoon.  The weather was beautiful and the kids having a blast.  It was everything that we had hoped it would be for the Roesler family.  Then, Plan A derailed.

It derailed when Brian leaped out of the boat, his feet slipped out from under him and he fell on the dock at the boat ramp.  It further derailed when his arm made impact with a mooring cleat.  The clean fracture through his humerus bone (which I have been assured on a number of occasions this evening is not funny AT ALL) in his left arm left us without a plan at all.

And, it was at this point of having absolutely NO plan that God worked His plan.  I loudly announced, "I can't do this alone.  I need help."  And, 4 wonderful strangers stepped forward to help me and the kids.  They backed the truck down and loaded up the boat.  My 4 beautiful children without complaint (a miracle in itself, may I say?!?) packed up the life vests, deflated the tubes, and unloaded the cooler and towels.  We were in the truck and driving towards the ER in 20 minutes flat.  When God has a plan, it moves fast!

When I am without a plan, I move into a heightened state of alertness.  I have this adrenaline rush and I feel like a tightrope walker moving without a net.  Isaac took his dad into the ER while I headed home with the other three children.  On the drive, I dished out orders to the remaining three children on the newest Plan A for the night.  I have discovered in these moments that telling them "do whatever you think God wants you to do right now" does not meet my lowered standards of a "successful evening."  But, with that said, I do believe that God gives me the right words to say...if He didn't, I wouldn't deliver my lines calmly and clearly!

After they put Brian's arm in a splint and sent us home for the night, we return to a home with 4 clean children reading in their beds.  New memories were made, today, for sure!  They weren't entirely the memories that we were hoping to make, but many of them have been.  While Brian is enduring the discomfort created by a new break and good drugs, I am left enduring the discomfort that comes by being reminded that I cannot plan for everything....and, I don't want to.  God's plan showed me how He provides for my every need...especially when I ask Him.

So, I think it is safe to give forewarning to all those with whom I have plans this week that our plans are off for now.  I'm off to a new plan...and, so far, I am fairly sure it involves a trip to the hospital tomorrow for Brian's surgery and then wherever God leads from there.  But first, I'm heading to bed so that I can be prepared for tomorrow's tightrope walk.

And Life Goes On...

And so life goes on..Most often when I try to explain life at our home, I am struck by how chaotic and insane I sound describing it.  And, yet, as this picture shows, we are continually moving forward at the pace of life with four beautiful, creative and entertaining children.

I don't pretend to understand how I was so blessed to have these four little beings as a part of my life.  And, I feel that time has sped up over the past three years.  They have gone from little kids to pre-adolescents and big kids.  Instead of changing diapers, we are investing in body spray and deodorant.  We have gone from bandaging skinned knees to talking through broken hearts.  They still need a mom, but my role has changed...and the entertainment value has also stepped up a few notches, too!

I have spent much of my life "getting through" this crisis and that crisis.  My motivation was often the next event or an anticipated break.  While nursing, I daydreamed about the freedom that would come with bottles and solid food.  When the kids were in diapers, I eagerly awaited the reprieve of potty training being finished.  I have come to realize that by rushing towards to next "milestones," I have forgotten to savor the season of life that I am living. 

This is a message that I frequently need to be reminded.  Too often, I stick my to-do list and pushing forward to the agenda of our schedule, chores and the basics of daily life.  But, I was recently reminded by a good friend that God is NOT going to ask me about how clean my floor was kept.  I had to begin to slow down and let some things "go."  And, she was right.  Tomorrow is another day filled with "to-dos" and, as I have learned, it will come all too quickly.

So, today, I sit on a dirty floor with the head of our dog in my lap.  I could wish him to hurry up and heal from his surgery, today.  But, instead, I pet his head and help my son put on his cone.  Today, I have dirty dishes on the counter, but I jumped on the trampoline until my bladder said it was time to stop.  Today, I am going to join my husband on the couch and watch t.v. and simply "be" with him. 

And life will and does go on...