A Gigantic Leap of Faith

It has taken me a while to get to this place...but, the application and check are in the mail!

I'll be honest.
This is not easy.
This is really, really hard.
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

Brian and I started referring to Elijah's adoption as our "first adoption" even before we had finalized his paperwork.  We knew that there were still faces missing at our dinner table and voices missing from the rooms of our home.  But, there were steps to be taken to finish the first adoption.  Then, came the uprooting of our family and moving to Missouri.

I found myself debating with God.  "Yes.  We'll adopt.  Let me just get things ready to put the house up for sale and get us settled into a new home.  Then, we can talk about it."  I even told our realtor that we had to stay in a certain price range for our new home so that we could afford to move forward with another adoption.  I'm pretty sure she thought we were crazy (and isn't alone, I fear!), but respected our decision and helped to find a home that could accommodate the "Roeslers-not-yet-here."

After a somewhat turbulent move, we settled into our new home, schedules and routine.  I knew the call remained but I entered into my "Jonah phase."  This was marked by periods of time where I either ignored this passion all together or argued with God why it wasn't a good idea...now and maybe never.  I'm grateful that God didn't send a whale to swallow me up to get me on the right path.  (I can't imagine that...I don't even like to touch the outside of fish and don't even get me started on sushi!)  But, I often found the "ah-ha" moments equally jarring to that of being thrown up on a beach.

Over the past 3 months, the intensity to act has left me in tears of frustration and moments of panic.  The root of the issue wasn't whether our home and family can accommodate another child.  It isn't an issue of whether we can provide the essentials of food, clothing and love.  It has always remained a financial struggle.

In order to adopt Elijah, we had to take a leap of faith.  There was a huge outpouring of support and love from both our family as well as our friends.  Our every need was met from car seat to crib to baby clothes to child care for our kiddos while we traveled to and from Florida.  It was amazing and a tremendous blessing!  However, the bulk of the cost of Elijah's adoption came out of our savings and a loan.  We can't do that this time.  This time, there is no "safety net" of a savings account or additional loans to be had.  This time, we are going to be completely dependent on God to provide for our financial needs.

We know that we are going to need to raise the funds to make this happen...and we are going to have to ask for help.  God has begun to teach us new lessons about humility and obedience and we are only done with Step 1!  We have already had a number of friends offer to help with fundraisers.  Talk about a rapid response to prayer!  

We also know that God will provide in unique and surprising ways.  Last Friday morning, I put the check into the mail box. Brian texted me mid-afternoon that he received a surprise check that was $150 MORE than the check that I put into the mail box earlier that day.  God's confirmation delivered...and received.  I could have danced all the way through the rest of my day (if the kids would have allowed it!)!

The journey has begun. 
And, I'll be honest.
(Did you expect anything else?)
This is not easy.
(But, it is so exciting to be living out God's calling through our action.)
This is really, really hard.
(I like control....and, we are simply putting our "yes" out there and letting go of control.)
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

"For nothing is impossible with God."

- Luke 1:37

A Word From Brian

Lo, Children are the heritage of the Lord; 

and the fruit of the womb is his reward. 

As arrows in the hands of a mighty man, 

So are the children of a vigorous youth.  

Blessed is the man that has his quiver full of them: 

He shall never be defeated when he meets his enemies at the gate. - Psalm 127 3-5

It is my firm belief that the purpose of a man’s life can be summed up in two words…

Husband and

Father.  

Everything else is just the details. The choices you make and the path you take are to fulfill these two roles.  As men, we often get lost in our pursuit of less worthy endeavors like money, power, career, sex, sports, and shiny objects that make us feel important.  These pursuits are driven by Greed, Lust, and Envy.  The world around us provides a constant bombardment of temptation meant to pull us further away from our true calling.

For a long time I was jealous of other men.  Men driven towards specific goals in the arena of education and profession, while I struggled with no particular direction in mind.  I have learned, and know, a little bit about a lot of things, but couldn’t find the one pursuit that grabbed hold of me.  While my friends became scientists, doctors, military officers, business owner, and teachers all I could do was watch and congratulate them.

…..And then she said yes.

While I found no more clarity in the previous matters, I now knew that I must become the best husband I could be.  And so it began.  Nearly 16 years have past.  During that time there have been multiple career changes, military deployments, and many shiny things have come and gone (these details are not important.)  What is important is that I did find the passion and purpose that I didn’t see before.

She is an amazing woman.  Compassionate, kind, caring loving, intelligent, sexy, funny, giving, and warm-hearted.  If you are fortunate enough to know her, then you know my words could never due her justice. 

...And then there were five.  

Five of the most wonderful children a man could dream of.  Bright, caring, funny, loving…all these things they got from her.  She is an angelic mother and they are cherubs in her teaching.

Our journey together has brought us through troubles and joy, trials and triumphs.  The further we go, the clearer the mission that God has given me to be better as husband and father.  God expects us as Husbands and Fathers to be the Leaders of our family.  To create the way for our family.  To foster strength and courage in our wives and children.  To protect them from the world when they are young, and teach them to thrive in it as they grow.

I do not believe that God intervenes in my life to provide food and shelter and money for my family.  I must go out and get these things for them.  God does not remove struggle and make my path smooth.  I must overcome obstacles, or defeat them.  I must make the path for my family.  But, do not mistake my words, these are not things I could do without God. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. - Philippians 4:13

Like Jacob, Daniel, Joshua, Sampson, Jonah, and David, God gives me the strength necessary to lead my family in this world.  To tear down obstacles, to overcome fear, to stand against all that would come against my wife and children.

And He tests me.  When I become arrogant, He brings me to my knees.  When I am boastful, He trips me on my face.  When I am prideful, He knocks me on my ass.  And in my weakness, He lifts me to my feet and sends me on my way with the Armor of God at my disposal.

I will never pretend that I am the “father of the year” or the winner of the “best husband” contest.  I only pray that I am using the strength He has given me, to follow the right path.

The most important legacy of a man will be seen in the faces of his children.  Anything else he leaves behind will wither and die.  But his children will bear fruit and feeds the world.

I cannot begin to count the blessings God has brought to me.  He has filled my life with the generosity of his

spirit.  And still sometime there is emptiness.  Some small corner of my heart that has yet to be filled.

I think it is God's calling to open our home again and seek the opportunity to adopt another child.  Crazy?  I know to some it may sound crazy.  After all, isn’t five enough?  But somehow, there still seems to be room at the table.  There seems to be another laugh missing.  There seems to be a vacancy in our family pictures.   We have plenty of love to share.  There is always room for one more.

Now, I must find a way to overcome the obstacles.   Adoptions cost money.  Attorney, agency and legal fees.  Not to mention making bedroom space and getting a vehicle that could hold another person!  There is no pot of gold on my doorstep, but I believe there is a child at the end of the rainbow.  Now I have to find a way to pay the tolls for the path that will lead us there.

I know that God has a plan….the challenge will be to understand it.

Brian