Merry Christmas!

We are so very blessed to wish you and yours a very Merry CHRISTmas!

This past month, I saw a banner at a local church that read

 Giving Presence 

I love this simple message.  In a culture that is consumed with giving presents, we focus on the things of Christmas. What would happen to our Christmas traditions if we focused on the gifts of presence?  What would the holidays feel like if we focused on the time we shared with people verses the things wrapped and under the tree?

Jayden's class put on a program for us yesterday by sharing "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" poem with all the parents.  I think that the Grinch points to the need for a change:

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”

“It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!”

“It came without packages, boxes or bags!”

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought, “doesn’t come from a store.”

“Maybe Christmas…perhaps…means a little bit more!”

And what happened then? Well…in Whoville they say,

That the Grinch’s small heart Grew three sizes that day!

The Grinch was right.  Christmas will come without all the packages, boxes and bags.  And, although, we are very blessed to have gifts (and, I don't think our kids are quite ready for a gift-less Christmas), we are moving towards a Christmas of simply being in each others presence.

As a part of our holiday season of being more present, you may have received a kinda tacky Christmas postcard from our family.  But, I used my normal Christmas card prep time to play with the kids a few games of Blockus and make a new dessert recipe with Emma.  Instead of a big Christmas platter of home baked goodies to send to work with Brian, we watched a few Christmas movies together and walked the new puppy.  It isn't perfect....but, we are working on giving one another the gift of presence not only this season but throughout the year.

May our hearts grow this season of Christmas by sharing the Gifts of Presence with one another. And, we look forward to each and every opportunity that may come our way in 2012 to share your presence here (our home is always open to company!) or bring our presence to you!

To catch up on each of the Roeslers, please click on their name above for their blog page.

Merry Christmas & A Blessed New Year,

Brian, Tobi, Isaac, Emma,

Hannah & Jayden 

Mercy & Grace

Today, I am struck by two words:

• Mercy - the gift of NOT getting what you deserve
• Grace - the gift of getting what you DON'T deserve

These words were re-introduced to me at our Wednesday morning Bible study (BSF) recently.  They aren't new words.  But, it was the first time that I recognized them as partners in the incredible gifts I receive from family, friends and most importantly God.

We are a military family.  We are very familiar with law.  And, law is necessary.  Who was the famous person that said, "Without law, there will be anarchy."?  As a mother of 4 incredible kids, I can assure you that without laws or boundaries, there would be chaos!  There is comfort that comes in having law.  Any healthy child will push until she can determine where there are rules and boundaries.  This knowledge is comforting and creates a feeling of security.  There is freedom in hearing "NO."

However, there is increasing comfort for me in the gift of grace.  Grace comes in the form of an unsolicited request for a hug from a pre-teen son who has sworn off hugs.  Grace comes in the form of a sister making cookies for her brother to take to Boyscouts because he forgot to tell anyone that he needed them until 2 hours before he needed to leave.   Grace comes in the form of a generous check to bridge the gap between what needs to be fundraised for a mission trip and what was actually raised.  Grace comes in the form of a fragile infant in a manger hundreds of years ago.  The infant that would grow to carry my burdens to the cross. 

Grace is the gift of receiving what I do NOT deserve.  When I stop to recognize these gifts, I am humbled by the bountiful blessings.  They are simply gifts that dot my day as pointers to God and His loving presence in my life.

On the opposite side of the coin from grace there is mercy.  Mercy comes in the form of cleaning up your 6th pile of dog poop from the carpet and NOT raising a hand to any one of the three dogs who helped to create the poop piles.  Mercy comes in the form of forgetting to study for a test and the teacher giving you the opportunity to "revisit the test" for additional credit.  Mercy comes in the form of not getting into a car accident after texting while driving for the 100th time.  Mercy comes in the form of the promise of eternal life in spite of my sin-filled life.

Mercy is the gift of NOT receiving what I DO deserve.  When I stop to recognize the number of times I encounter mercy on a daily basis, I am again humbled by the bountiful blessings.  They remain gifts that dot my day as pointers to God and His loving presence in my life.

In this season of gift-giving, I am all to often caught up in the gifts that can be wrapped and placed under my Christmas tree.  Maybe it is the preacher's daughter in me or simply a message that needs to be shared, but I felt called to stop in the hectic pace of this season and share my thoughts.

May your Christmas season be filled with the awareness that you are blessed with gifts of both grace and mercy.

Seeking Balance...Still!

After a life-long quest to find balance, I decided to attend a workshop this past weekend at the Hearts-at-Home Conference in Rochester, Minnesota.  The title of the workshop was something like "Saying Yes, Saying No and Finding Balance."  Seemed like a great spot to head!  However, I knew I was in trouble when the speaker began by saying, "I must confess to you that I really don't think I should be leading this workshop right now.  My life is a bit 'wonky' at the moment.  However, I will share with you some tips that have worked well for me in the past."

Okay.  If the speaker can't maintain balance, then the good news is that I am NOT alone.  The bad news is that there doesn't seem to be any woman who has succeeded in discovering AND maintaining balance...at least not while there are children to raise, husbands (need I say more?), a career, volunteering, and so much more that needs to be done (and I didn't even mention housework and more importantly, time for friends!).

So, I began to struggle with the term "wonky."  I liked her definition:  when life has arrived at a place that is out of balance often resulting in breakdowns in her closet crying on the floor.  This seemed like a definition I could get behind and relate to  my current circumstances.  However, "wonky" seems all too close to "dorky" for me to claim it as a term to define me.  And, the more I struggled to get a grip on the chaos that makes-up my world, the more I really wanted to define it.  I wanted a title that fit whatever "this out of balance feeling and state of being" is to me.

As I shared this struggle with a friend, she remarked, "well once you name it then you can take the steps to fix it.  You know, all addicts go through this!"  Great.  Maybe, she is right...so, let me give you what I have so far:

• Burning the Candle at Both Ends - My mother was not the founder of this expression but frequently said it to me with concern for the pace that I was keeping.  I remember hearing it most often in my early to mid 20's.  This was, of course, a time that I was convinced that I had untapped reservoirs of energy.  Who needed rest?  If only I could have banked some of that sleep from my teen years...then, I'd at least be able to stay awake when Jayden reads to me after school!  The imagery of a candle burning at both ends seems appropriate at times.  These are the times when I feel especially urgent to get things done by a deadline and time is flickering out like a candle without wax.  But, the imagery negates any opportunity for me to have more wax...and, if the candle really burns out, then what?
• Paced for a Sprint...But Running a Marathon - This one hit home for me during Brian's last deployment.  We received a phone call 2 months before the guys were supposed to come home informing us that the mission was going to be extended by at least another 6 months if not longer.  My world crumbled.  I didn't realize how much of my energies had been used depending on "reinforcements" to arrive at a certain time.  I didn't think I had enough in me to make it the extra mile let alone adding another marathon to the 18+ months we had already ran.  Frequently, I feel that I am still running at this sprint-paced speed with the expectation that a watering station is just around the bend.  After rounding the bend, there is only another hill to climb and a finish line that is still miles away.  We get through a week filled with sports, church, work obligations, school commitments and volunteering responsibilities praying that the following week will be calmer and slower-paced only to turn the calendar and find that the new week is even more crazy.  Clearly, the pace isn't maintainable, but what do you cut out?  What do you define as excess or unimportant?  And, how do you add in the important that frequently gets cut out because of the immediate?
• Tackle the Mountain and Worry about the Landscape Latter - I have a friend that loves her mountains.  She can tackle a ton of work in a short period of time by simply viewing the newest project, opportunity or commitment as a mountain that needs to be climbed.  And, she does it beautifully.  However, whenever I have tackled a mountain with the sole focus of completing a given task to completion, I find that at the end I have a grumpy, attention-seeking family and many missed deadlines.  Recently, I decided to paint Jayden's bedroom.  The painting, decorating and cleaning of his room was my sole focus for 2 days.  At the end, Jayden's room looked fantastic!  The house, children and my other "projects" were a disaster.  As I look around at the landscape following my mountain-removal (Jayden's bedroom), there was more mess and disorganization than I could stomach.  How do you tackle a mountain while not loosing ground on the mini-mountains that you have already started to climb?

As you can clearly see, I have work to go both in defining my current state AND in making things different.  However, it dawned on me, tonight, that maybe mini-sabaticals are key to sustaining this pace.  Our life is full.  Yes.  But, it isn't out of control.  There are times that I can and do choose to simply turn off my phone and pretend to be unreachable.  It isn't perfect, and I still am on the quest for a way to have a reasonable pace to life.  However, it may not be attainable while we have 4 kids, 3 dogs, 2 rats, 1 cat and 1 lizard living in our home. 

So...for now, I guess life is just a bit wonky...sigh.

Life at Camp

I must admit it.  I went to camp this week as a "gift" to the kids.  I went to camp this week as a gift to the kids' parents.  I went to camp this week out of a sense of duty or obligation.

However, I remain at camp because of the pleasant surprises that each day brings.  The first night, I heard God's voice speak to me during a skit at campfire.  Monday, God came to me in the smiles of our campers and HUGS from so many (including my "way-to-cool" son!).  The week has continued to be filled with small and big "a-ha" moments.  These moments range from the simple pleasures of having Coldstone ice cream from the canteen to hearing the voices of my children belt out the words to the campfire worship songs.   God is here.

I am moved by the energy level that the counselors share through their leadership and songs.  They seem to meet the kids exactly where they are and walk alongside of them as they play, eat, and pray.  It reminds me of my own days at Lutheran Lakeside Camp.  As I crawled into my bed last night before 10:00, I am painfully aware of how much older I am!  However, I am also grateful to have had that gift of time as a counselor, and now the gift of being able to watch other young people energize and excite "my kids."

As I shared time with our high schoolers, I was reminded of the story of Jesus' Transfiguration.  The words of Peter and Paul spoke to me.  I understand why they wanted to build tents and remain on the mountain-top.  It is tempting to want to stay here (although I miss the comfort of my own bed) and just bask in this God-filled place.  Being plugged-in to this place that is so filled with God's presence is a huge blessing and priveledge.  And, it is hard to imagine remaining this energized after leaving here and returning to "normal life."

I am FREE!

On Sunday evening during the campfire worship here at Camp WAPO, the counselors performed a skit.  The skit started with a man and a woman.  The woman pretended to have a cage of wild birds that she had just caught in the field.  When asked what she was going to do with it, the woman said she was going to play with them, poke them with a stick and then eat them for dinner.  The man, clearly horrified, argued that this was a part of God's creation and then proceeded to barter with the woman to buy the birds.  As the cost went up, so did the man's determination to purchase the birds.  His goal, to set them free.

The skit continued.  This time, the cage contained humankind.  And, the devil had decided to keep them in order to play with them.  The same man that freed the birds then became Jesus ultimating bartering his life in exchange for the freedom of human beings.  Jesus' goal, to set ME free.

As I sat surrounded by hundreds of campers and counselors, I was struck by the realization that this freedom is mine.  But, all too often, I imprison myself with the "things" of this world. 
I choose to plug into the t.v.
I choose to waste hours catching up on Facebook postings.
I choose to spend hours cleaning.
I choose to get bogged down by my worries and concerns.
I choose to care about having things and money.
While all of these "things" can be good in moderation, they can and do spiral out of control causing me to turn my attention and devotion to the things of this world.

I find myself thinking that if I just have my kids on the" right track" then I will be free.  Or, if we just had that vacation property, then I will be free.  If the house was just de-cluttered and the kitchen floor finally clean for more than 20 minutes, then I will be free.  Or, if I could just loose 20 pounds, then I would be free.  Once my to-do list is DONE, then I will be free. 
I will be free to devote my time in prayer.
I will be free to read the scriptures like I want.
I will be free to pray.

My freedom came at a cost -a BIG one that has already been paid.  I don't have to DO anything else to obtain the freedom from the "things" of this world.  And, my reality check is that God doesn't need for me to DO anything either.  I can simply BE...and, there is freedom in that.  Freedom from guilt.  Freedom from "to-do" lists.  Freedom from being anything more than His child.

I am FREE!

So, I decided to go without coffee...

...and, I was reminded that I am human.

I spent most of yesterday yawning.  We are talking the big yawns that cause people to comment.  The type of yawn that leaves you worried that you might have caught something with your mouth.  So, after the better part of 6 hours of yawning, eyes watering and questioning my purpose in life, I took a nap. 

Two hours later...awake but only barely holding on, I realized that I had to have caffeine.  For fear that you think I am a quitter, I want it noted for the record that I still did not drink coffee.  But, I did manage to drink 3 diet dr. peppers before dinner.

I continually battle with the need to cut back my caffeine intake and the desire to remain a fully interactive and engaging human being.  As I was reminded yesterday, without coffee, I am pretty much a sleep-walking shell of a woman. 

In the words of Martin Luther (tweaked by me):  God gave us coffee because he wanted us to be happy.

Going to Have to be Humble...I guess

I'm going to Haiti.
Brian is going to Haiti.  (Thank you, Jesus!)
We will be reaching out and changing lives...and will be changed forever in the process.
I'm excited to have this awesome opportunity!

...but, it is going to take close to $4000 to make this experience a reality for Brian and I.  And, we are going to need help to get there.

I know that God will provide.  He has always provided.  And, even in the worst of times, we have always had enough to meet our needs.  But, this time, it isn't about "just me."  I'm going to need help.

This is NOT my area of comfort.
I do not even know how to ask for help...
And, really, I don't want to.

I have looked at the savings account.  $4000 isn't there.

We have done the fundraisers and with two on the way, I can project the figures.  The full $4000 isn't going to be there.  We have already been blessed...but, we are still so far from what we are going to need.

I'm going to have to ask for help.

This is NOT my area of comfort.
I do not even know how to ask for help...
And, really, I STILL don't want to!

But, it dawns on me as I stood in the shower, tonight.  (Really, it is the best place to do my thinking...)
Maybe.  Just maybe.  This is the first lesson in this entire experience for me.  I need to be humbled.  I need to ask for help.  I need to recognize my own limitations and simply give it up to God.

What a concept!
Nope...still not comfortable.  But, I feel the awakening beginning....

So, I'm going to try it out:

I need help raising the funds for me and my husband to go to Haiti. 
I need help...

Now, I just have to get up the courage to actually say it out loud...

Thanks, Emma. I'm going to Haiti.

As most of you know, I had decided that this was not the time to head to Haiti with our congregation.  With a handful of weak excuses and determination, I had decided that I would spend that week of August at the cabin with my family.  It was a good plan...or so I thought.

Then, came the Tuesday where I was jolted to change my mind.  I had been on the phone for the better part of the afternoon talking to others who were either going to Haiti or recently had decided they couldn't go.  Emma overheard the last discussion as I took her to piano lessons.  In a last ditch effort to procrastinate, Emma asked, "Mom, why don't you really want to go to Haiti?"

I was flustered.  I wanted to rush her into her lessons and make my next round of phone calls.  So, in my haste, I gave her a two word answer, "I'm scared." The truth of those words struck me.  Bottom line is that I simply was scared...scared to leave my kids behind.  I was scared to go to a country with such need and no quick solution.  Scared to make the financial sacrifice.  I was scared to tackle this major adventure.

In the silence, Emma responded, "Mom, that's okay.  I guess I'm the only one in this family who has to try new things.  Maybe you are just too old...." 

Wisely, Emma raced out of the car and headed for the door.  Guess the final dig on her mom gave her the motivation she needed to face her piano teacher.  But, I was left with the uncomfortable realization that I was not being a good example to my daughter.  And, fear is never a good enough excuse not to try something new.

I had been lecturing Emma about her unwillingness to try new things for most of her life.  I was frustrated that she continued to eat the same things.  Read the same author.  Listen to the same music.  She even prefers to wear the same shirts and shorts.  Change is not something that Emma willingly embraces.  And, now, in the car, I came to realize exactly where she "gets it from."  Lightbulb!

So, I picked up the phone and texted Brian that I was going to Haiti.  The good news is that he is going to join me so the adventure is even less scary!  And, since making this decision, I am confident it is the right one.  Amazing how the words of a 10 year old can cut through the haze and help lead me to the truth.

With all sincerity, thank you, Emma.  I'm going to Haiti!

Life is Not Fair...I know

My Dearest Child,

As you left the house this morning, you screamed out, "Life's NOT fair!" in a final act of frustration and defiance.  Your words seem to still hang in the air.   I feel them here because they speak to my own feelings of frustration and anger at the news that yet another soldier has been killed from Iowa.  That makes three fathers, brothers, husbands and friends that have died in Afghanistan this month alone.  And, you're right.  Life is not fair.

I would love to allow you to believe that your sense of injustice is simply something of your youth.  That it is only something that happens in this home because of the weird rules and expectations of your parents.  However, you are already wise enough to realize that this is a part of life.  Your fellow students and friends have shown this to you.  Yes, kids who cheat don't always get caught.  Friends who "haven't done anything" get picked on.  Life is not fair.

I would love to tell you that it gets better.  That life makes more sense, and therefore it gets easier to make sense of injustice.  But, I don't think it does.  Good men and women die fighting for our country and yet we get no closer to ending the war.  The innocent become victims.  The guilty are set free.  On this side of Heaven, I find it hard to make any of this fit into my sense of right and wrong.  Life is not fair.

However, it is your youth and optimism that I envy.  You still crave justice and a desire to have things be fair.  You still get angry when it is not fair.  And, my child, you want to take action to make things fair.  You still have a desire to save the world.  Please don't loose that.  It is this desire that can make change...and, at least in a small corner of the world (your world) you will make a difference.  You will bring about justice for your friends by sharing truth in the face of dishonesty.  You will bring comfort to those who have loss.  You will affect your world even though life is not fair.

I love you.

Mom

Be Still and Know that I Am God

BE still and know that I am God

Simply just BE.

…BE in this moment.

…BE in this place.

It seems like this should be easy. Existence in itself is “the act of simply BE-ing.” However, I am all too often thinking of what I need to do next. Even though my body may be present, my mind has frequently left the premises to deal with my worries or the to-do-list in my head. God’s calling is simple. Just BE. Turn off the demands of tomorrow. They will take care of themselves. Stop my wishing for the next day…moment…event and start BE-ing in this moment. This could be the BEginning of finding contentment. It could be the BEginning of a grateful heart for what is now and what is here.

Be STILL and know that I am God.

I struggle with sitting still. There is always someplace to go or something to do. Just being still would let my thoughts and feelings catch up with me. Some of those feelings and thoughts aren’t comfortable to encounter. But it is in the stillness that I know I will find God. I am reminded of the story of Elijah as he sits waiting for God (1 Kings 19:1-18). God is not in the storm or the earthquake, but He comes as a whisper. There is comfort in the chaos and noise of my life because I can focus on what I choose to focus on…which often means that I miss out on that stillness and the soft whisper of God. It is the whisper of someone who knows me and loves me. It is through that stillness that I know I can heal from those feelings and thoughts that may haunt and hurt. It is through being still that I can simply BE.

Be still and KNOW that I am God.

There are very few things that I am confident that I really KNOW.  And, the older I get, the more I begin to question if I really know even those few things.  It is almost a weekly occurance where one of my children will teach me something new or remind me of the large holes in both my memory and my knowledge.  I'd like to claim that it is simply that my brain lacks good organization from which to easily retrieve facts and memories.  But, I suspect it is more accurate that there is just so much in there that the file drawers are jammed shut.  Plus, the world seems to insist on constantly changing details that I thought I knew.  Take Pluto for example.  It used to be a planet!  Now, I need to find that pnemonic about "my very good mother eating pizza" and relearn the planets.  Another thing I no longer really KNOW.
 
However, with that said, there are some things that I do know.  I know that I love my family.  I know that I am blessed beyond my needs.  And, I know that there is a God who made me.  I know that there is a God who is alive and present in my life.  And, I know that God is with me.
 
Be still and know that I am GOD
 
Okay.  I admit it.  I am not God.  I loved the movie, Bruce Almighty.  It was a wonderful and comical reminder of why any human shouldn't be god.  And, it is a further reminder of what a blessing it is to have a God who is so filled with grace and love.  However, it doesn't stop me from wanting to have the control and knowledge of God.  I understand Eve and why she was so tempted to eat the apple.  Unlimited power is so very tempting! In my selfishness, I desire to have my prayers answered in the way that I want and when I want.  I need a reminder that I am not God.  God is God.  God is in control.  He has heard my prayers and knows my heart.  God will take care of me.  And, with that knowledge, I am free. 
 
I am free...
...to simply BE in this moment and this time.  To enjoy the gift of knowing that tomorrow is in God's hands.
...to be STILL and hear God's voice in the silence.  Confident that in this stillness God's whisper will enter my heart and help to guide my feet.

A Follow-up to Proud Parent...

After my last post, my dad sent me the following poem.  I thought it was too good not to share...

The Prophet

 by Kahil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

And, as my dad reminded me, God also loves the bow. 

Really Proud..And, Trying to Stay Humble

The past week was an AWESOME week for our kids.  Each of them shined in their own unique way, and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I am so very proud of them!  Just a glimpse at their tremendous accomplishments:

• Isaac is Student of the Month.  It was awesome to sit in the Student of the Month Breakfast on Wednesday morning and hear about Isaac's accomplishments both academically as well as socially.  Brian and I glowed with that "we-really-are-great-parents-with-a-super-great-kid" glow for the entire day.  It isn't very often you catch a glimpse into your kid's world and see that they are the respectful, intelligent young person you pray for them to be.
• Emma and Hannah were stars in our community production of Cinderella.  Both of the girls had one week to learn their lines, dance moves and stage cues for two shows over the weekend.  It was awesome to see them rise up to such a huge challenge and juggle it along with their regular weekly schedule.  And, the show was terrific!  Again, Brian and I glowed with the "we-really-are-great-parents-with-super-great-kids" glow for the entire weekend.  What a priveledge to watch our girls use their God-given talents in such a fun and entertaining way!
• Jayden had our neighbor over for a play-date on Wednesday afternoon.  His friend is 4 1/2 and a girl.  This may be a hurdle for other active boys, but not Mr. Jay.  He took his little friend alongside of him and was more than willing to play whatever she wanted to play.  It was awesome to watch him be so loving and caring to make her happy!  He was disappointed when she had to go home, and Jay has already started planning their next afternoon of fun.  Brian and I glowed with the "we-really-are-great-parents-with-a-super-loving-kid" glow for the rest of the day.  It was a joy to see God's love pour out of Jayden for his friend!

As I basked in the glow of such a wonderful week, I began to realize that I was on some level taking the credit for these awesome kids.  Thoughts like:  "All my mothering lectures sure are paying off!"; "Clearly, all those home-cooked meals have given them the nutrition they needed to be such excellent kids."; "Our family meetings really are helping instill Christian values in their lives."; and "This new detergent really does change lives!  Thank, God, for Tide!"  And, while all of these thoughts may hold some fragment of truth, I have come to realize that I do myself (and our family) a huge disservice if I actually buy into this line of thinking.

The reality remains that if I take credit for my children's good things, then I must also be ready to accept the blame for their bad things.  For as much as I am responsible for their good choices and actions, I am also accountable for their bad.  I accept that Brian and I can set a tone for success or failure for our children's lives.  I admit that my attitude will and can influence theirs.  However, after all the lectures are said, attitudes checked and laundry done, my children have their own free-will.  They have the choice to succeed or fail.  They have the freedom to live up to our expectations or not. 

So, I choose to give credit where credit is due.  I am thanking God for sharing these four beautiful, talented, intelligent and gifted children with me.  I consider it an honor to be a part of the adventure of raising them.  It is a challenge that I don't take lightly as I try to teach, mold and encourage the way that a mother should.  And, in recognizing that it is God who should receive glory for their good days, I can also share with God the frustration, tears and sorrow that comes with their bad days.  It is good to know that I am not on the front lines of the parenting battle by myself.  I come equipped with a rather large arsonnel (aka Holy Spirit, God, Jesus Christ, etc.).

And, so it is that I begin today with this prayer:

Father God,

Thank you for these children.

Thank you for the gifts of their laughter, talents and joy.

Please help me to teach them the way that you desire

so that I may raise them to be the men and women you have called them to be.

Help me always to remember that these children are yours, and I am blessed

to simply be along for this adventure called life.

Amen.

Showered and Cleansed

As I stood in the shower letting the water run down my face, I felt the last four days of oil, dirt and grime wash away.  The long-awaited warm waters not only took away the physical evidence of my past days without running water, but they also washed away the stress and strain of a vacation adventure "modified" by a broken furnace and frozen pipes. 

As the soap suds washed down the drain, I could feel my spirits begin to be renewed.  It was almost as if the cloud of gloom from the past few days was being scrubbed off, and I was reminded of how wonderful it feels to be alive and to be clean.  A renewed sense of joy entered into my heart as I thought through all the things I love freshly clean:

• The smell of the outdoors after a spring rain
• The look of a newly cleaned counter (without piles of papers)
• The taste of freshly cleaned strawberries
• The sound of a crisply played piano piece that my daughter worked hours to perfect
• The smell of a clean baby freshly powdered before bed
• The feel of crisp, clean sheets

There are so many visions, smells, sounds and thoughts that raced through my head.  But, I kept coming back to the image of fresh snow.  Although spring is fast approaching (I hope!), I do love the look of clean, white snow.  The image came home as I read Psalm 51:

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness;

let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins

and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Psalm 51: 7-10

The washing away of the physical dirt is so very similar to that of the sins that have been washed away through my baptism.  I have been made whiter than newly fallen snow.  I am clean.  How often have I been equally refreshed by the forgiveness from God for every sin?  Daily?   Hourly? 

Forgiveness is such a difficult concept for me.  For many years, I felt that forgiveness was something I gave so that someone else could (and should) feel better.  But, as I have grown older, I have come to realize that forgiveness of others can also be a gift that I give myself.  Forgiveness is the freedom to no longer allow an event or a person to hold your emotions and actions hostage.  It does not mean forgetting.  It is simply the act of moving forward and leaving the past in the past. 

I do not mean to over-simplify forgiveness.  I know that for me to ask for forgiveness is an act of humility.  In our family, we are BIG on grace.  However, along with grace, we also have to believe in forgiveness and humble ourselves to recognize when we were wrong.  Then, we have to take appropriate action -- admitting we are wrong and asking for forgiveness.

Whenever we receive the gift of forgiveness, it is such a cleansing and freeing experience.  It is a gift that God freely gives to us any and every time we ask for it.  It is that feeling of freshness that can only be truly appreciated after going 4 days without it.

I Am A Rudder

A number of years ago, my father told me of an interaction that he had with his mother.  My memory is that my grandmother had told my dad that she was useless.  With her arthritic hands and withering body, she no longer saw herself as having a purpose among our family.  My father's response was priceless:

"Yeah, Mom, I guess you are useless.  As useless as an anchor at the bottom of the sea holding a cable that runs up to a boat that is thrashing about on the waves.  That anchor holds firm making it possible for the boat to remain afloat.

You see, Mom.  You may not feel that you have a no purpose.  But, it is your listening ear and wisdom that serves as an anchor for our family.  Your love remains strong and helps us to battle the waves and storms of daily life.  You are our anchor."

I love this imagery because it is so accurate of who my grandmother was in our family.  She sat in her recliner and listened to me for hours and hours and hours.  My grandmother could loving gift me with the wisdom of her years that I wasn't willing to hear from anyone else.  It is grandparents that anchor us to our past and can continue to help us chart the right course for our daily lives.

With this in mind, I got to thinking about myself and my role in our family. And after much consideration, I have decided that I am a rudder. To make the visual easier, I include this sailboat diagram from HowStuffWorks.com:

The rudder sets the course for the boat.  It gives direction so that the boat's momentum from the wind can be used to the best of the driver's ability.  While the waves of life crash against the boat striving to move it the direction of the water, the rudder can change direction.   The rudder is the steering wheel.

As the rudder in my family, I set the course through my actions and attitudes.  It can happen in little ways.  For example, if I greet the kids with a smile and my undivided attention after school, the remainder of the afternoon goes smoother.  It doesn't mean there aren't complaints about homework or piano practice.  But, these obstacles seem to almost be minor as I steer us through with a smile, a gentle reminder or a bit of snuggle time on the couch before tackling the task at hand.  However, if I am in a poor mood and quick to snap at their needs, I guarantee that everyone is in their rooms for time-outs before the first dish is pulled out of the cupboard for dinner.  It is almost as if my children can pick-up on my mood even before I do and then react accordingly to their own moods.  I am a rudder.  And, I have a choice how to steer the course of our afternoons.

As the rudder in my family, I can set the course for the big things, too.  I continue to sail this ship to church on Sundays and Wednesdays and create family time to talk about faith.  I want my kids when taking off in their own boats to keep their sails filled with the winds of the Holy Spirit.  As the rudder, I point our ship to opportunities to serve others like the Walk for Hunger on Thanksgiving morning.  I want my kids to value their gifts and the importance of giving and serving others.  As the rudder, I point our ship to the importance of education, friendships, and family. 

I have had some limited experience with sailboats during my time as a camp counselor many years ago.  And, I can confidently say that the rudder is nothing if you don't have a solid and long keel.  I'd love to be a keel.  They keep the boat from tipping.  But, I am too ADHD for that mission.  That is why God blessed me with a husband who is a very good keel.  He supports my "rudder-ness" 99.2% of the time by keeping us upright and moving on course. 

So, as my family continues to brace for the storms of life, the rudder and the keel are thankful for the anchors in our lives.  We are grateful for the good winds that come from the Holy Spirit, and we are confident that our family will remain afloat in the boat as long as we remain on course.

New Years...And New Realizations

There is a natural excitement that seems to build on New Year's Eve.   As the minutes tick down to the ball dropping in Time Square, I feel this building enthusiasm for the next year and the upcoming days.  It is almost as though anything I dream can and will be in the upcoming year.  There are no restraints.  If I think I will loose 20 pounds or 200 pounds, I can do it!  If this is the year that I will pay off all of my debt, then it will happen.  The pessimist and realist voices in my head seem to turn off for this one night, and I write down my BFDs (Big Fat Dreams) for the upcoming year with zeal and enthusiasm.

I am struck by the realization that this is possibly a daily thing for children.  Each night is the eve of all new possibilities and adventures that are untarnished by any touch of reality or doubt.  And, furthermore, isn't this how I should view each new day?  Why do I save this feeling of freedom for only one night a year?

Martin Luther wrote (loosely paraphrased) that each morning he washed his face and was reminded of his baptism.  The baptism that marked a cleansing of his "old self" and the beginning of a clean self for the day ahead.  New Year's Eve marks the very pointed ritual of closing our last chapter/year and the beginning of a new one with dreams and ambition for being better and doing better. 

I do not need a ball to drop in Time Square to have this kind of hope and enthusiasm.  (Although, it would be kinda cool if I could have one in our backyard to drop each evening to cue the children to go to bed!)  So, for this new and exciting year of 2011, my first BFD is to remember with each face wash that I am made clean and new.  Today is filled with possibility.  And, if tomorrow fails to live up to my dreams, I am going to remember that tomorrow is a new day with all new possibilities and adventures.

This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. - Psalm 118:24