As I stood in the shower letting the water run down my face, I felt the last four days of oil, dirt and grime wash away. The long-awaited warm waters not only took away the physical evidence of my past days without running water, but they also washed away the stress and strain of a vacation adventure "modified" by a broken furnace and frozen pipes.
As the soap suds washed down the drain, I could feel my spirits begin to be renewed. It was almost as if the cloud of gloom from the past few days was being scrubbed off, and I was reminded of how wonderful it feels to be alive and to be clean. A renewed sense of joy entered into my heart as I thought through all the things I love freshly clean:
- The smell of the outdoors after a spring rain
- The look of a newly cleaned counter (without piles of papers)
- The taste of freshly cleaned strawberries
- The sound of a crisply played piano piece that my daughter worked hours to perfect
- The smell of a clean baby freshly powdered before bed
- The feel of crisp, clean sheets
There are so many visions, smells, sounds and thoughts that raced through my head. But, I kept coming back to the image of fresh snow. Although spring is fast approaching (I hope!), I do love the look of clean, white snow. The image came home as I read Psalm 51:
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Psalm 51: 7-10
The washing away of the physical dirt is so very similar to that of the sins that have been washed away through my baptism. I have been made whiter than newly fallen snow. I am clean. How often have I been equally refreshed by the forgiveness from God for every sin? Daily? Hourly?
Forgiveness is such a difficult concept for me. For many years, I felt that forgiveness was something I gave so that someone else could (and should) feel better. But, as I have grown older, I have come to realize that forgiveness of others can also be a gift that I give myself. Forgiveness is the freedom to no longer allow an event or a person to hold your emotions and actions hostage. It does not mean forgetting. It is simply the act of moving forward and leaving the past in the past.
I do not mean to over-simplify forgiveness. I know that for me to ask for forgiveness is an act of humility. In our family, we are BIG on grace. However, along with grace, we also have to believe in forgiveness and humble ourselves to recognize when we were wrong. Then, we have to take appropriate action -- admitting we are wrong and asking for forgiveness.
Whenever we receive the gift of forgiveness, it is such a cleansing and freeing experience. It is a gift that God freely gives to us any and every time we ask for it. It is that feeling of freshness that can only be truly appreciated after going 4 days without it.
