Walking Among Heroes

Our intimate showing with
about 100 of our closest friends?!

This past summer, Brian won tickets through work for us to see Tim McGraw in concert.  It was AMAZING! You clearly don't entertain for as many years as Tim has without perfecting a high-quality experience for your fans.

Part of what I loved most about the concert experience was watching the audience and the wide variety of people.  It had been over 10 years since we had been to a concert, and yet some things remained familiar.  There was still that unique breed of "super-fan" that seemed to do ANYTHING to get attention.  She (typically) would clamor near the stage simply hoping that Tim would just look her way...that somehow in that look it would validate that she had meaning and purpose.

I didn't get it.  And, to be honest, I still don't.  But this past week, I think I experienced just a little bit of what it must be like to yearn to be close to a hero.  What it must be like to feel that for one moment I have brushed the sleeve or made eye-contact with a star...

No.  I didn't actually get to talk with Tim McGraw or ask him all my questions about his faith, feelings on adoption and how he keeps his marriage healthy while traveling so often.  I had the blessing of being a part of my friend and her family's adoption day.

My friend and her husband have waited over 2 years to adopt their boys from foster care.  It has been a long journey with many ups and downs.  There have been tears of pain, frustration and joy.  But, through it all, she has prayerfully followed God's calling on her life to become a mom to these broken and hurting boys.  

Thursday marked the long-awaited day.  

The day where they would finally legally be family.

Even as I drove to meet them for lunch, I felt the tingling.  I knew.  I could just feel it.  This is a God moment.  In my head, that line, "what God has brought together, let no man put asunder," kept repeating itself.  Much like wedding vows, my friend and her husband had vowed that no matter what (through good times and bad times) they would love these boys with an unconditional love.  I knew from our conversations that this commitment was a BIG one, but that her 1st & 4th grade boys had already grown and blossomed so much under her and her husband's loving care.  God had taken the tragedy of a broken birth family and turned it around by bringing them to this place...to be a forever family rooted in faith, hope and love.

A very tired E working
hard to behave while we wait

As we waited at the courthouse, other family members and friends gathered to support my friend and her family.  And, it was here, that I had my "moment."  There were two women talking.  I eaves-dropped in on their conversation as I attempted to keep Elijah occupied.  They were sharing their struggles as foster moms and supporting each other in their journey.  They just seemed to glow.  I can't explain it.  And, as I listened (but pretended not to), I was moved to tears.  These women (and hubbies, too) are my heroes.  They are on the front lines day in and day out loving on kids who can behave entirely un-lovable...but are so desperate for love.  

I just wanted to soak them in.  I wanted to capture their energy...their spirit...their passion...and, for a moment, I wanted them to just look at me and validate that I, too, can have that kind of meaning and purpose.  

A long day...but a great day
made even better with a nap!

I know it may sound silly.  But, I am confident that my friend and these women are God's hands and feet.  I feel it from them...and, I see it in them.  They are actively advocating for the last, the lost and the least.  Simply being near them makes me energized and on-fire to do the same.

This isn't my first hero "sighting."  It is simply my most recent.  I have felt this tingle and passion as I walked alongside men and women in Haiti.  I have felt it at military send-offs and welcome-homes ceremonies.  I have felt it in a woman's small group and a mentoring time with a student.

There are so many memories that are flooding in as I type this...but, to put it quite simply, I was blessed to be in the presence of greatness this week...real heroes.  And, for that, I am grateful.

Waiting and Looking Back

I was reminded this morning by my Timehop App that it was just two years ago this evening that changed our lives forever. A sweet, young woman had chosen our family for her baby.  And, while her incredible, selfless act is not lost on me for one moment, today, I was blown away once again by the beautiful and absolute "perfect-ness" of God's timing.

Let's be honest.  I really needed a reminder.

I needed a "in-my-face" and "God's-got-this" kind of reminder. 

Because...

There are still no calls or possible adoption scenarios on the radar of our current adoption journey.  We have stepped out in faith with eager anticipation only to find ourselves standing on the threshold of change with no imminent sign that change is actually going to happen.

It really, really stinks.  I yearn for action and for forward momentum...I want to be doing something.

Last week, Emma & I taught our 1st & 2nd grade Sunday School class about God's promise to give Abraham & Sarah as many children, grandchild, grandchildren, etc. as their were stars in the sky.  (Genesis 12-17)  As I read the story from our children's Bible, Abraham & Sarah's dialogue with God echoed my own:

"Abraham asked God, 'What are you waiting for?'"
Seriously.  What are you waiting for?

"Could God really make such a thing happen?"
I know I'm not supposed to doubt.  Clearly, you are the God of Miracles.  But....um, God?

"'Your wife, Sarah, will have a son,' the visitors said to Abraham.  Sarah started to laugh...'Why is Sarah laughing?' they asked. 'Doesn't she believe God's promise will happen?'"
What if I didn't hear the promise correctly?  

I continued to churn on God's promise this week.  The reminder that Abraham and Sarah traveled into the desert to God's promise land.  It was a long journey of continually choosing to believe.  They woke each morning to pack up the camels and set out for another's day journey...and they didn't even have a DVD player to entertain the kids or cell phone to call others to make the miles pass.  Talk about hardships!

The Bible tells us that there were times that both Sarah and Abraham doubted God's promise.

 Fortunately, the children's Bible doesn't cover Ishmael & Hagar, but I know that part of the story.  I know what happened when Sarah decided to interpret and do things her way verses patiently await to do things God's way.

And, so I wait seeking prayerfully to this God's way.  I'd love to say I wait patiently and faithfully.  But, my human desires often lead me daily to points of frustration and hopelessness as there are no potential situations awaiting me in my in-box and my phone doesn't ring from our consultant or caseworkers.

But, then there are shining moments that remind me that when the time is God's timing then it will be a most wonderful and glorious thing.  It will be a beautiful testimonial to God's provision and His constant, unfailing love for me.

Today, I am reminded to have faith when I remember Elijah's adoption story.  I am reminded to have patience as I hold him on my lap and read from our children's Bible.  I am reminded as I look into the eyes of all five of our children for whom we waiting each in their own way.

And, I have renewed patience

...and the determination to finish filling out one more set of grant papers.

My Hubby

As many of you know, our family has a history that includes over 16 years of military service with 5+ of those including active duty years of three deployments over-seas.  We are still embracing the shock waves of what that service means both personally as well as to our family unit.  These events impact, form and transform our lives.

Recently, when faced with another military-related frustration, I asked Brian, "Why aren't you angry? After all we have sacrificed, how can you not be angry at the way you are being treated?" Brian's simple response was "I didn't get into the Army for what I could get.  I did it for what I could give."

I was floored.  How could I have been so blind and missed this for the last 16 years?!  I'll be honest.  I was sitting there thinking about all that this commitment has cost us. Five (plus) years of life for as a family.  He missed being there for the birth of Emma.  Job promotions. Family vacations. He missed being there for the birth of Jayden.  His college education and degree. Years of memories with our kids in their early years.  The stress and strain of combat service on his body.  Who knows what else we could have had...yet, while I continue to struggle with my anger and resentment, Brian remains focused on simply what he can give....and can continue to give to his unit, his command, and ultimately preparing soldiers for our nation's future battles both here and over-seas.

I am so humbled to share my life with this incredible man who simple sees life through the lens of what he can give.  It is absolutely the opposite of the cultural norm.  Today's society focuses on what we can get...what we deserve.  And, yet, we were created to give.

I have witnessed the transformation of lives that have seen extreme poverty and been awakened to the incredible joy of giving.  I have seen the look on a child's face when they grasp the meaningfulness that comes from sharing a toy.  I have witnessed the peace that comes from focusing on the needs of others verses the wants of one's self.  And, yet, I get lost to my own sinful self and my desires.

You see, I want justice and equality....but only when it is in my favor.

I want everything...as long as someone else will pick up the tab.

But, what am I really willing to give?

If the past is any indicator, then I am willing to give my husband to an Army that is demanding and unjust....for a war that we Americans cried out for, then quickly became bored and lost interest.  And, I continue to give knowing that I am proclaiming that this sacrifice for our family has become most honorable and worthy of respect.  And, in doing so, I have set the path for our sons and daughters to see this as a career and path worthy of pursuit.

Can I give my son? My daughter?

Brian has always told our children that he has served so that they don't have to make that sacrifice.  And, while this statement has become ingrained in their minds, we have also laid upon their hearts that there are things in this world worthy of sacrifice.

And, while I still struggle with my emotions, I have no regrets that our children not only understand what sacrifice looks like, but they also appreciate that sacrifice.  Ultimately, it is one of the legacies that Brian will leave for each of them.  Life is not about the pursuit of "getting what's coming to you."  It about seeking out what you can give to others to make this world a better place than when you entered into it.


So, on this Father's Day, I am left with a mixture of thoughts and feelings...but above all, I am grateful for this incredible man who is the father of my children and my father who taught me about the blessing of serving through his life of service as a pastor.  

What do the kids think?

While I remain bogged down in filing out our home study paperwork and scheduling the doctor appointments, vet visits and trips for fingerprinting, life continues to move forward as we prepare to grow our family through another adoption.  As we share our journey with others, one of the common questions we receive (after the looks of disbelief and awestruck wonder, of course) is

"What do your kids think about adopting, again?"  

It's a fair question.  Adoption doesn't just affect Brian and I as the parents.  It has and will affect our entire family unit.  Overall, the kids have been incredibly supportive and receptive to starting this journey, again.  They each have their own unique requests as to how "this time" can and should be different.  We all know that the process is long, challenging and difficult.  But, as each of our kids interacts with Elijah and each other, I am reaffirmed that there is LOVE here and there is PLENTY of ROOM for another child to receive that LOVE from these amazing kids.

I was reminded this week just how amazingly blessed we are to be on this journey and how Elijah's adoption has dramatically and positively impacted our entire family.  Emma was given the assignment at school to write an essay of a person who has influenced her life.  She chose Elijah, and here it is:

Who Influenced Me?

Emma Roesler

    Everybody has been affected by someone or something. It could be a teacher, a parent, a friend, a pet, or even a song, a movie, or a book. Sometimes these people only change you a little. Other times they turn your whole life upside down. The person who has been one of the greatest influences in my life is my brother Elijah.

My family isn’t your typical family. My mom had four kids, my older brother, Isaac, me, my sister, Hannah, and my other brother, Jayden. How does that make us unique? Because, I have another brother named Eli.

When I was twelve, my parents wanted a fifth child and decided they wanted to try to adopt a kid. Adoption is really expensive ,and we didn’t know if I would get a new brother or sister. We didn’t know if we were going to get a new sibling at all.

After about a year, in October, my mom, my sister and brothers, and I were at my grandparents’ house in Iowa. My dad was at drill. At dinner that night my mom told me and my family that we were going to get a new baby brother. Right after she said this, my dad called. She said “I have to take this” and got  up and left us with a big piece of information and a bunch of unanswered questions.

The new addition to our family was born October 9th, 2012. He was born without a left foot and something called gastroschisis. This is when a infant is born with his intestines outside of his body. He came home to live with us on November 21st, 2012, the day before Thanksgiving.

Getting a new brother was a big deal. It made me feel excited, worried, anxious, eager, upset, elated, and uncertain of the future.

Eli is African-American and he is adopted, but he is still my brother. He is a human just like you. He is from Florida, not Outer Space. He has a prosthetic so he can walk. Also, we aren’t going to lie to him about his adoption. Hopefully ,that clears up any dumb and/or obvious questions you have about him.

Elijah is just like any other boy. He loves to laugh, play with balls, and torture his siblings. His favorite words are ball and no. Recently he has figured out how to open doors which makes doing my homework, alone in my room, extremely difficult. He has a lot of energy and likes hitting people, but how has he changed me?

Before we got Elijah, I didn’t pay much attention to racist remarks. Eli made me realize how discriminatory America still is. The picture many people get when I say African-American is of a black gangster with terrible grammar which isn’t true. Let’s also not forget the “n” word along with others.

Elijah also taught me to do things I don’t like such as changing diapers, squeezing into places meant for babies, not teenagers, being the dog while playing fetch, controlling my temper, remaining calm in stressful situations, and learning to laugh when I make mistakes. He taught me that life is unexpected and that it’s okay to cry. The most important thing Elijah showed me is that family doesn’t have to be someone you share the same blood with, but family is who you love and care about.

Eli has changed my perspective of the world and I will never be the same again. He is my angel and even though he will be in first grade when I graduate, he will still be teaching me new things everyday and I can’t wait. The only question left is: 

Who has influenced you?

Am I Some Kind of Freak?

Some days as I look at the world around me, I feel out of place...as if I don’t “belong” or fit in anywhere.  

I’m not sure I could count how many people I know that are struggling in their marriage, or who have been

though a painful divorce.  I know there are many reasons why, and why I can have sympathy for them, I have never been able to have empathy for them.  I have never identified with the feelings they must have toward their spouse and marriage.  I am happy...Wait! MORE than happy..I am euphoric in my marriage.  I love my wife more than words can describe.  I can not imagine a scenario that would lead me to wanting out.

Does that make me some kind of freak?

So many of my military brothers and sisters have (and continue to) struggle with their service oversees.  We went through the same things together.  We have done and experienced terrible things in the name of “serving our country” and “freedom.”  Many others continue to be plagued with nightmares, anxiety, and are struggling to find their way in “the real world.”  And for far too many, this struggle has been more than they could bear.  But every day, I find it more difficult to identify with those feelings.  Sure, I have a few scars.  Sure, I had some “adjusting” do to once we came home.  And, every once in a while, I spend a quick minute “back there.”  But, I have moved on.  I don’t regret any of it.  There is no anchor around my neck, and no ghost hanging around.  Somehow, those experiences have just passed as “one more part of my life” now in the past.  

What does that mean, am I too cold-hearted to be plagued by the things I’ve done?

Family can be crazy.  I think we all have a few nuts in the family tree.  I have seen many friends missing out on relationships with siblings and parents.  Divided by one subject or another and sometimes it’s as if they have deleted someone from their life.   But I love all the crazy people in my life.  No, we don’t always agree, and I don’t always “like” the choices they make, but I would never want to be without them.  

Does that make me weird?

And to be a father.  It is awesome!  I recently met one of the other baseball dads.  I think he was too busy  talking with his girlfriend (and trashing his wife) to pay any attention to his son on the field.  I see dads every day who care more about the car they drive and their new skinny jeans, than they do about their own children.  But, I think my kids are the greatest treasure I could ever imagine.  (Second only to my wife, of course!)  I love their smiles and their laughs.  I love their

quick wit and sarcasm.  I love that sometimes they are exhausting and I feel like I can’t keep up.  No matter what decisions I am faced with, I can’t help but think how my choices will affect them.  I have never pursued a “career path” only the opportunity to better provide for my children.  I think being a dad is the greatest calling of all.

Am I the only one?

I hope my thoughts are not perceived as judgment of others.  I love my friends and family, and have always tried to support them in whatever place they are in life.  This is not about anyone but me.  The journey of adoption forces introspection.  Self-evaluation of our most secretive emotions.  

And these are the things I struggle with.

Maybe I’m not a freak?  Maybe I am on the path that God has set before me?  This is what I hope.  This is what I pray. 

(If only there were a “voice over” to tell me.)

This is Really Uncomfortable

Can I simply state the obvious?

This is really uncomfortable.

As a matter of fact, it is so uncomfortable that instead of writing about this yesterday, I choose to go the "safe" route and share about family and my continual desire to overcome my Type A+++++ personality.  But, after a sleepless night feeling the discomfort...I knew I needed to address this simple fact:

This is really uncomfortable.

Brian and I have prided ourselves on being able to provide for our family.  The few times we have had to ask family for financial help have been out of desperation...and, it was always a loan.  This time, we are asking for financial help and we know it's not a loan.  I worry about what you might think...the friendships that will be strained and the family members who may pull away.  It is our deepest desire that those who feel called to give will do so.  But, our feelings for you will not be changed based on your financial gift or lack thereof.  How do we walk this path and share honestly about our needs without pushing people away and making them feel uncomfortable?  The whole topic of the finances of this adoption keeps us on our knees in prayer.  We know that God will provide, and we are seeking clarity as the best ways to move forward.  However,

This is really uncomfortable.

While Brian and I are pretty open about our lives, our family and our faith journeys, we feel like a layer of skin has been rubbed away and we are left feeling raw and exposed as we share through this blog.  This is a huge leap of faith for us (as we have shared) and we cannot gauge your response this way.  Yet, we believe that by sharing our journey, we can help others to step out in faith.  So, each entry is read, analyze, edited and re-read again to the point of obsessiveness.  Are we being clear?  Have we conveyed our passion to do God's will in our lives?  Are we being truthful and real?

This is really uncomfortable.

We don't know the timeline and how this journey will play out.  At step 2, we wait for the Home Study Process to begin.  This can take anywhere from a month to three months.  During this period of waiting, we need to get our profile book ready.  This is a photo album and biography of our family to share with prospective adoption situations.  We also need to secure our financial backing.  Once we have a completed home study, we will be able to start sharing our profile book with expectant mothers and other adoption agencies.  We could have a placement as quickly as a few weeks from going "active" to a year later.  We simply don't know how long we will be waiting both to raise the funds we need as well as find God's match for our family.  There is both a sense of urgency to act as well as the calm that comes from knowing that there is plenty of time and things will happen on God's timing not ours.  Those two are dramatically different emotions and take turns dominating.

This is really uncomfortable.

I shared with a number of people yesterday that I was feeling "on edge."  Then, I read a Facebook post by a friend, Di Rothman:

When we feel under-qualified and overwhelmed, 

that is when God has us right where he wants us. 

That is when we need Him.

This is so very true to our journey right now.  I have never clung more tightly to God's promises and loving presence than right now.

And, it is through this time of being uncomfortable that I can feel the most growth happening in my soul.  I'm confident that a person has to be in a place of discomfort before she can change.  Isn't this true with "growing pains?"  It has been many years since I have had a growth spurt, but I have watched our children.  They lay in bed and wriggle around...there is sometimes tears as it hurts.  But without those pains, they wouldn't be gaining on me (and at least two have passed me up)!

We have also witnessed this discomfort when taking youth and adults to Haiti.  It is often as they stand in the slums of Cite Solei and are stripped of all that identifies them as parent/child/employee/friend they are forced to a place of discomfort:  Who am I really when faced with extreme poverty?  What am I to do here?  It is this time of discomfort that leads to growing as the servant God has called them to be.

I know that being uncomfortable leads to growth...to change...to life-altering, mind-blowing opportunities to be the woman God has called me to be.  And, while I pray that our blogs and our journey would never leave you feeling uncomfortable, I do pray that your journey and that path that God calls you to take will leave you saying:

This is really uncomfortable.

Another Step Closer

A week ago Monday, we sent off the paperwork and payment for our Home Study with Lutheran Family and Children's Services of Missouri.  Another step in the process.  This one involved answering essay questions, sharing our financials as well as family make-up.  Each step is an emotional journey.  The frustration of answering the same/similar questions...again.  The panic of writing another large check.  There is a quickening of my pulse as I seal the envelope.  The anxiety of getting it to the post office and the relief of handing it off to the mail clerk and knowing it is on its way. The wave of peace that comes knowing we are another step closer on this journey.

And, life continues on.  Each day is a combination of "must-dos, try-to-dos, and going-to-dos."

There are the '"must-dos:  laundry, cleaning, laundry, taxi service, making meals, grocery shopping, paying bills, dishes, homework, and more laundry.

The "try-to-dos:" de-cluttering our home (can I simply say that 7 people have LOTS of stuff...and, not everything is a treasure?!), couponing, meal planning, phone calls with family and friends, e-mails, fundraising for the adoption, spring cleaning (don't look inside our fridge....please), scrapbooks, adoption paperwork & reading, decorate or un-decorate depending on the holiday or season, thank you notes and so much, much more.

Then, there is the "going-to-dos:" this is the category where the majority of my life happens...the living in the moment of being a mom of 5 dynamic, energetic kids.

I'm going to be honest, people.  There are still Christmas decorations hanging in my home.  And, as you can see, it isn't actually hanging fully on the wall anymore!  It is like a constant reminder that my "to-do" list is NOT getting done.

There was a time in my life, that this would have really, really bothered me.  I am a Type A++++++++++ and working my recovery steps.  In the not-so-distant-past, I would have forgone sleep, time with my family, exercising and quiet time in order to finish taking down the Christmas decorations, organizing the pantry, cleaning out the fridge and responding to phone calls and e-mails.

However, I have come to realize that now:

I have to make time to get dirty.  Messy floors will eventually get clean.  But this day's "going-to-do" had to be homemade silky playdough.

I have to make time to enjoy my daughters' piano teacher's senior recital and appreciate God's gifts of amazing talent, drive and passion.  Homework and chores can wait.  An outing with my girls was this day's "going-to-do."

I have to make the most of sunshine, warm temps and parks.  I am all to aware that soon enough he won't want to play at the park with me...and, may someday pretend to not even recognize me!  This day's "going-to-do" had to be a trip to the park.

I have to endure...and enjoy Carnival Night Fundraisers at our kids' school.  There is nothing like a good, healthy belly laugh while watching my kids compete with floor scooters and plungers.  Yes.  Everyone cheated...but, Isaac is the best cheater.  I'm a proud momma?!  

I have to seize the opportunity for a date night with my hubby any chance I can get...even if it is sitting on cold bleachers in the rain.  Added bonus, seeing Jayden play the sport he loves with a passion.  

I have to make time to decorate bedrooms and create "sanity space" for Hannah.  Working with her to organize, de-clutter and decorate her space creates moments for both of us to learn, grow and shine.  We clearly have very different tastes, and I have also learned the art of compromise and negotiation.

I need to make room for zuberts (sp?), giggles and tickle sessions.

I need to be open to a wheat berry table in my kitchen...with wheat berries all over the floor.  Messy is okay.  Creating learning experiences are a daily "going-to-do" that will trump my "to-do" list every time.

I need to seize the moment when my teenager agrees to take a walk and talk with me.  Those moments are too few and precious.  Always a "going-to-do" for any day.

I need to enjoy watching my children love each other and absorb those moments into a long-term memory bank.  As other parents know, too much of my day is consumed with referring arguments.  Any moments of harmony will be enjoyed as a "going-to-do" for any day.

My newest lesson (as of yesterday), I need to have more surprises and fun with my kids.  These balloons are waiting for Jayden to celebrate April Fool's Day.  Having time to be silly needs to be a "going-to-do" for me.

Today, my "going-to-do" was to make a cheese cake for my hubby.  He wouldn't care if we celebrated his birthday or not.  But, it is important for me to celebrate the dad and husband he is...and making it through another year with me!

I'm not reformed from my "Type A ways" by any stretch of the imagination.  My family can attest that there are still chore lists to finish and schedules to keep.  However, I'm learning that life is more about patience and strength for the journey than the satisfaction of my boxes all checked.

And, throughout all of this, we continue to have the pull to adopt and add to our family.  Some days, it is only a whisper of a thought.  Other days, it is an overwhelming feeling as I try to navigate how to plan our summer or think of new ways to raise funds.  Some days, the process is a "must-do" as we need to gather photos for our profile book or finish plates/mugs or scarves.  Other days, the process is a "try-to-do" as other things become more pressing "must-dos."  Then, there is today, where my heart cried out to share our journey with you through this blog.  Today, it is a "going-to-do."

We are so very grateful to have so many friends and family joining us in this journey.  Thank you for your continual support both through your prayers and financially.  We know that this process is all in God's hands, but the adventure is made so much better when we are surrounded by such a wonderful cloud of witnesses and prayer warriors.

And, now to return to the "to-do" list....wait.  I hear the bus coming....

Gifts of Love...All Part of the Journey

The girls and Elijah with a horse.
Yes.  All we hear now is how we
MUST get one.  Why not?

Even though we have made the decision to move forward with adopting, life has continued forward at it's very merry (and somewhat hectic) pace.  This past two weeks has included spring break and a visit with family and friends in Texas.

Papa & Omie
and the Roesler Grandkids

It was a wonderful time to get away.  We enjoyed sunshine, close quarters, hunting (for the boys), horse back riding (for the girls) and free play in the dirt, sand and rocks(for Elijah).  All in all a very, very successful spring break.

And, it did my heart good to just be "in the moment."  Due to the remote location of the ranch, we had sporadic cell service and NO wi-fi.  The good news is that none of us died from lack of exposure to Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.  However, the rumor is that some of the clans took a pretty harsh beating from a lack of attention in Clash of Clans and the wild hog population took a bit of a hit by the Roesler men.

SLOW 4 wheeler rides with the big kids = priceless!

Now, we are thrown back into school, sports, activities, work and laundry...lots and lots of laundry.  Along with the school routine, there returns the "prodding" to get our paperwork done and fundraisers started for this new adventure in adoption.

CEO & Knitter Extraordinaire,
Wrapped in Loved

 As I have mentioned before, the financial piece of this undertaking is a huge leap of faith.  And, we have shared with our children the calling and the journey.  They are praying along with us, and they are watching to see how God's hand is ever present.

Hannah's response to this new adventure was to volunteer her time and talents to help raise funds.  Brian and I are blown away by her generous heart and enthusiasm!  Of course, both of the girls are campaigning for us to adopt a girl (they are currently outnumbered), and Hannah feels that by helping raise funds she may have a stronger vote.  

Emma modeling one of the
Wrapped in Love scarves

So, we are excited to announce that our first "official" fundraiser is by Wrapped in Love.  It is a company run by a young entrepreneur you may recognize by the name of Hannah Roesler. She makes arm-knit scarves in a variety of colors, styles and thicknesses.  You can order yours for $20 plus the cost of shipping.   

Just e-mail your order details to Hannah at roeslercrew6@aol.com.  She is excited to start making money for the newest Roesler!

A close up of our quality
and knitted work of love

As we have shared before, we need your support.  First, we ask for your prayers.  Please join us in praying for:

• ...the child who will be joining our family.  Pray for her/his safety and good health.  Pray that she/he may know God's presence and feel loved and safe.
• ...our family as we continue to step out in faith and prepare to expand and grow our family.  Pray that we may discern God's will in each and every step.
• ...our consultants, Dawn & Jason Wright, from Christian Adoption Consultants.  Pray for their patience and guidance as they work with us and join us in this journey.
• ...our social worker at LCFS as he/she receives our home study paperwork and meet with us over the next few months to complete our home study.  
• ...our friends and family that are stepping forward to help us with fundraisers and donations.  Pray for God's guidance in how they use their time and talents.  

Second, if you feel called to donate your financial gifts, we would be very grateful.  You can choose to donate those dollars through the fundraisers like the one listed above.  There is also the option of making a donation through the link on this page (upper right hand) through YouCaring.com.  To access our donation page, you can also cut and paste this link:  

https://www.youcaring.com/adoption-fundraiser/bringing-the-next-roesler-home/153193

Finally, you can simply contact us to gift us your donation directly.

Thank you for your support, encouragement and prayers.  We feel so very blessed to be surrounded by such a wonderful cloud of witnesses.  Now, it's time for me to return to the laundry...yippee!

Proof that too much time as a family MAY be too much?!

A Gigantic Leap of Faith

It has taken me a while to get to this place...but, the application and check are in the mail!

I'll be honest.
This is not easy.
This is really, really hard.
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

Brian and I started referring to Elijah's adoption as our "first adoption" even before we had finalized his paperwork.  We knew that there were still faces missing at our dinner table and voices missing from the rooms of our home.  But, there were steps to be taken to finish the first adoption.  Then, came the uprooting of our family and moving to Missouri.

I found myself debating with God.  "Yes.  We'll adopt.  Let me just get things ready to put the house up for sale and get us settled into a new home.  Then, we can talk about it."  I even told our realtor that we had to stay in a certain price range for our new home so that we could afford to move forward with another adoption.  I'm pretty sure she thought we were crazy (and isn't alone, I fear!), but respected our decision and helped to find a home that could accommodate the "Roeslers-not-yet-here."

After a somewhat turbulent move, we settled into our new home, schedules and routine.  I knew the call remained but I entered into my "Jonah phase."  This was marked by periods of time where I either ignored this passion all together or argued with God why it wasn't a good idea...now and maybe never.  I'm grateful that God didn't send a whale to swallow me up to get me on the right path.  (I can't imagine that...I don't even like to touch the outside of fish and don't even get me started on sushi!)  But, I often found the "ah-ha" moments equally jarring to that of being thrown up on a beach.

Over the past 3 months, the intensity to act has left me in tears of frustration and moments of panic.  The root of the issue wasn't whether our home and family can accommodate another child.  It isn't an issue of whether we can provide the essentials of food, clothing and love.  It has always remained a financial struggle.

In order to adopt Elijah, we had to take a leap of faith.  There was a huge outpouring of support and love from both our family as well as our friends.  Our every need was met from car seat to crib to baby clothes to child care for our kiddos while we traveled to and from Florida.  It was amazing and a tremendous blessing!  However, the bulk of the cost of Elijah's adoption came out of our savings and a loan.  We can't do that this time.  This time, there is no "safety net" of a savings account or additional loans to be had.  This time, we are going to be completely dependent on God to provide for our financial needs.

We know that we are going to need to raise the funds to make this happen...and we are going to have to ask for help.  God has begun to teach us new lessons about humility and obedience and we are only done with Step 1!  We have already had a number of friends offer to help with fundraisers.  Talk about a rapid response to prayer!  

We also know that God will provide in unique and surprising ways.  Last Friday morning, I put the check into the mail box. Brian texted me mid-afternoon that he received a surprise check that was $150 MORE than the check that I put into the mail box earlier that day.  God's confirmation delivered...and received.  I could have danced all the way through the rest of my day (if the kids would have allowed it!)!

The journey has begun. 
And, I'll be honest.
(Did you expect anything else?)
This is not easy.
(But, it is so exciting to be living out God's calling through our action.)
This is really, really hard.
(I like control....and, we are simply putting our "yes" out there and letting go of control.)
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

"For nothing is impossible with God."

- Luke 1:37