Recently, when faced with another military-related frustration, I asked Brian, "Why aren't you angry? After all we have sacrificed, how can you not be angry at the way you are being treated?" Brian's simple response was "I didn't get into the Army for what I could get. I did it for what I could give."
I was floored. How could I have been so blind and missed this for the last 16 years?! I'll be honest. I was sitting there thinking about all that this commitment has cost us. Five (plus) years of life for as a family. He missed being there for the birth of Emma. Job promotions. Family vacations. He missed being there for the birth of Jayden. His college education and degree. Years of memories with our kids in their early years. The stress and strain of combat service on his body. Who knows what else we could have had...yet, while I continue to struggle with my anger and resentment, Brian remains focused on simply what he can give....and can continue to give to his unit, his command, and ultimately preparing soldiers for our nation's future battles both here and over-seas.
I am so humbled to share my life with this incredible man who simple sees life through the lens of what he can give. It is absolutely the opposite of the cultural norm. Today's society focuses on what we can get...what we deserve. And, yet, we were created to give.
I have witnessed the transformation of lives that have seen extreme poverty and been awakened to the incredible joy of giving. I have seen the look on a child's face when they grasp the meaningfulness that comes from sharing a toy. I have witnessed the peace that comes from focusing on the needs of others verses the wants of one's self. And, yet, I get lost to my own sinful self and my desires.
You see, I want justice and equality....but only when it is in my favor.
I want everything...as long as someone else will pick up the tab.
But, what am I really willing to give?
If the past is any indicator, then I am willing to give my husband to an Army that is demanding and unjust....for a war that we Americans cried out for, then quickly became bored and lost interest. And, I continue to give knowing that I am proclaiming that this sacrifice for our family has become most honorable and worthy of respect. And, in doing so, I have set the path for our sons and daughters to see this as a career and path worthy of pursuit.
Can I give my son? My daughter?
Brian has always told our children that he has served so that they don't have to make that sacrifice. And, while this statement has become ingrained in their minds, we have also laid upon their hearts that there are things in this world worthy of sacrifice.
And, while I still struggle with my emotions, I have no regrets that our children not only understand what sacrifice looks like, but they also appreciate that sacrifice. Ultimately, it is one of the legacies that Brian will leave for each of them. Life is not about the pursuit of "getting what's coming to you." It about seeking out what you can give to others to make this world a better place than when you entered into it.
So, on this Father's Day, I am left with a mixture of thoughts and feelings...but above all, I am grateful for this incredible man who is the father of my children and my father who taught me about the blessing of serving through his life of service as a pastor.
