I missed the memo...

I realize that in this modern day of e-mails, texts and facebook, we don't use "memos" in the traditional sense.  In a nostalgic way, I miss having that piece of paper waiting for me on my desk or in my box.  It was a tangible reminder of a change of plans or updated information.  Over the past week, I have found myself wishing that "life" had given me a few memos.  I am feeling like I must have missed a class, public announcement or e-mail to make me better equipped for the day to day life of Tobi.

To name just a few examples:

• I must have missed the memo...that the popular fashions currently in stores are designed for pencil-thin women who have not been blessed with the curves that pregnancy and a slowing metabolism of my 30s.  Who thought it would be flattering for me to wear a sweater that stretches to the middle of my thighs?  Do I really need an outfit that can hug my tummy, butt and thighs and show them off even more?  Furthermore, didn't the 80's have enough "fashion-fun" the first time around?  I don't remember looking back at school pictures from that era and thinking, "Wow.  I sure wish that I could have that outfit back."  Nay-nay, my friend. 
• I must have missed the memo...that said life doesn't have to be made up of simply my "to-do" list and my "to-done" accomplishments.  I have come to realize that the better part of my last 10 years have been spent filling up every free moment with "busy work."  I don't know how to just "sit" and do nothing.  I can't even watch t.v. without folding clothes or cutting out coupons or drilling my poor husband with questions.  Although there is something to be said for multi-tasking, I think I may have taken it to the extreme.  My body and soul are weary.  It is time to learn to just "sit."
• I must have missed the memo...that said there is a fundraiser for EVERY (and I mean EVERY) activity that our children decide to get involved with.  I am fairly sure that we will run out of friends before we run out of items and services to sell. 
• I must have missed the memo...that said that there is never enough time to spend with friends and family.  Last weekend, the kids and I headed back to visit family and friends in Iowa.  We hadn't been back since Easter, and we were long overdue.  As I soaked up the love and attention of our family and friends, I was reminded of the song lyrics, "Make new friends, but keep the old.  One is silver and the other gold."  I am so very blessed to have such loving parents, siblings and friends.  I want more time to share with all of them.  I know that I am a better person when I make the time to share with them.
• I must have missed the memo...that said meals should have all of the food groups present.  With our new and more chaotic schedule, eggo waffles are considered dinner.  Mac-n-cheese is suitable for breakfast.  And, my favorite, pizza is an excellent post-school snack.  The old days of a meat, veggie, starch and dairy is fading away.  My only solace is that we are still trying to eat at home as a family.  However, I sense a memo is being written...
• I must have missed the memo...that said life is still NOT fair.  Although my children say it with regularity, I guess I thought that life might become more "fair" as I got older.  However, I have been reminded with the arrival of union reps to Brian's distribution center two weeks ago, that life is seriously not fair.  People cheat.  People lie.  And, given the opportunity, there are people who will take advantage of the kindness of others.  With that in mind, I continue to try and be the person that God has called me to be...and, I take comfort that God is fair and just.  God will sort out the details...and, I will have faith that mean people will get theirs!  (Is that Christ-like?!?)

I think that the best news is that the internet is filled with experts that are more than willing to fill me in on everything from modifying fashions to fit my body shape to how to have a quick meal ready that will have all the food groups.  And, I am blessed with friends who will send me e-mail alerts on how to better my home with easy fix-it remedies from removing stains to seasoning my chili.  I plan to add that to my list of "to-dos" to research many of these areas in the near future.  However, until then, I am glad to know that I am still learning and adapting to life.  It is a sign that I am still growing, learning and thriving...and, that I am still very human.

Braindamaged...Continued

Okay.  Having written of my son's and daughter's ailing brains, I feel that it is only "fair" that I confess my own brain damage.  My parents both laughed at my last post...and, then, they each went on to:
(a) assure me that it will get worse before it gets better, and
(b) remind me that I, too, suffered from a similar fate.
This got me to thinking...maybe, I continue to suffer from teenage brain damage verse early-onset senility? 

I joke that I am practicing senility now so that when I have alzheimer's I will be "practiced" at it...and, it won't be as bad.  One of the things that I have learned in my short 36 years on the planet is that you have to laugh at your own shortcomings...or the real life crisises and failures of life may just ruin you.  I believe that being able to laugh at life is what got me through my own teen years, and I pray that I can pass that gift along to my children.  Partly so that I won't be the only one laughing at their brain damaged actions, partly so that they can keep life in healthy perspective. 

This past month has been a continual reminder of my own brain damage and the need to laugh at myself.  Some key examples:

• I washed the checks from last week's 1st Bible class.  Yup.  I did not clean out the pockets in my pants and discovered the freshly laundered checks in the dryer.  The good news is that the bank has experience with mangled checks.  I am curious if mine had the best smell, though. 
• If it isn't written down, it won't happen.  Hannah barely made it to Girl Scouts with her donations this week.  Fortunatly, I was reminded that Hannah needed to take donations by a friend or she would have gone without.  I must have read the e-mail from her troop leader.  However, I have absolutely NO memory of it.
• Caffeine-free Thursday...by accident.  Those of you who know (and love me) can appreciate that I have a "constant-drip" approach to my caffeine intake.  I start the day with a pot of coffee that I start at 5:15 and finish up before leaving the house at 8:05am.  For reasons that I couldn't explain, I was exhausted Thursday morning.  My entire morning in the office was fairly unproductive because my brain was just mush.  There was a marked "up-turn" in my productivity about 11:30am when I started my diet coke with lunch.  It wasn't until I arrived home and found my first mug of coffee untouched that the morning mush began to make a bit more sense. 

I would love to say that these are the only examples that I have to share, but that would be a lie.  I cannot tell you the number of times I have found myself with the fridge open, staring at the shelves and trying to figure out what I am looking for.  I prefer to believe that the increased number of times that I have gone upstairs only to have to go right back down empty-handed is simply a part of my new work-out program verses a further reflection of my own brain damage. 

I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone.  Brian came home last Tuesday at 5:30pm.  Not completely unusual, I guess.  However, we had decided that he was going to work late that day so that he could be home on Wednesday in time to teach confirmation at church.  Imagine his surprise to find us home and not waiting for him at church...especially, because in Brian's mind, it was Wednesday already.  Talk about wishing your week away...

So, my kids really don't stand a chance.  Both of their parents are still suffering brain damage from their teens (or early practice of senility)....and, we are their role models, guides and anchors to this world.  No wonder they are suffering symptoms of their own! 

Maybe a more real explanation of all this "brain damage" is that we are all human.  We make mistakes.  We take on more than we should and our brains simply are on overload.  There is more to do than time to do it...whether you are 9 1/2 or 36 1/2.  And, it is because of this human-ness (my own and my kids') that I need to practice grace and laughter. 

Two good quotes to remember (if my brain will cooperate):

• If you don't laugh, you weaken. - Ron Mohr (my dad)
• Keep the small stuff the small stuff...and, it is all small stuff. - My own translation of someone famous...if only I could remember who that is...

Brain Damage

Although I'm not sure how much of Bill Cosby's parenting advice I'd want to follow, these past few weeks have been best summed up in one of his comedy routine quotes:

It's BRAIN Damage!

Until this summer, I know that my two eldest children had fully functioning brains...or at least the signs were not as obvious that they were damaged.  Let me explain with a few recent examples:

Isaac is a fairly-typical eldest child.  There was a time that he could sit at our kitchen table on a Sunday evening, be told the schedule for the upcoming week, AND remember it through at least Thursday afternoon.  Whether it is the hormone surges that have shut down the brain or simply that my voice has become too monotonous for his delicate ears, Isaac is no longer able to retain much of anything it seems.

This became crystal clear on a Monday afternoon when Isaac came storming into the house after walking home from school.  Apparently, the run-down of the schedule (and his walking home from school verses walking) on Sunday evening, Monday morning and via text Monday afternoon did NOT clue him into the fact that I would not be picking him up from school.  He was furious that I would leave him to just figure it out and starve. 

Once we had a chance to debrief, Isaac was able to state quite clearly that I may have told him that he would be walking home.  But, he quickly blamed his ears for not letting the information into his brain.  Of course!  Other parents, I must warn you.  As you see the symptoms of brain damage in your own child, please know that frequently it is the ears that simply shut down.  This cannot be helped by the child...who is clearly distracted by whatever other voices, thoughts and feelings that are racing around inside their heads.  My voice cannot compete above that din...or the roar of a hungry stomach!

Additionally, for my fellow parents out there, I must note that the brain damage seems to be tied to Isaac's stomach.  The stomach is continually empty...therefore requiring constant nourishment.  Asking Isaac to walk all the way home without having something to eat beforehand really is equivalent to child abuse.  Don't you think?  Isaac does.  Therefore, I find that if I feed the boy at least every hour...sometimes the ears will thank me by letting some useful information pass into the brain.

I have continued to collect evidence of my son's brain damage.  Another example for the scientists would be a recent Tuesday afternoon.  Isaac has been in soccer for the entire month of September and into October.  He has had practices every week on Tuesdays and Thursdays evenings at 6:00.  Again, we went over the schedule of the calendar that HANGS ON THE KITCHEN WALL (please note, I do not hide his schedule from him...in case Isaac finds this a convenient excuse down the line....) on Sunday evening.  Tuesday morning, I reminded him of his practice that evening and again after school.  At 4:00, Isaac comes tearing up from the basement with half of his soccer uniform on his body and the other half in his hands.  He hollers that he is headed out to the driveway to meet Brian so he won't be late for practice.  I calmly remind him that his dad will be picking him up at 5:45 but he can wait in the driveway if he wants.  After the appropriate eye-roll, Isaac returned to the basement until dinner.  During dinner, Isaac was talking and slowly eating his dinner, I reminded him to hurry up because he needed to leave in about 5 minutes.  Isaac looked at me, totally serious, and said, "But, soccer isn't until 8:00pm...right?"

You see, my friends?!  Brain damage is slowly affecting the sanity of my entire household...because Emma is starting to show "the signs."  Just this evening, I told her in the kitchen to take her pile of stuff off the stairs and into her room.  After taking the 10 steps to the stairs, she managed to step OVER the pile and head to her room without a second thought.  Emma entered the bathroom to brush her teeth before bed tonight.  Left the bathroom without ever touching her toothbrush.  Brain damage.

As a faithful social scientist, I will continue journaling my observations for future generations (as well as my own therapist).  But, for now, I will simply strive to enjoy being redundant that comes for a parent at this stage of development for my pre-teens.  I understand from my friends with teens that this is simply the appetizer for what lies ahead...oh, goody!  More brain damage to come....