Am I Some Kind of Freak?

Some days as I look at the world around me, I feel out of place...as if I don’t “belong” or fit in anywhere.  

I’m not sure I could count how many people I know that are struggling in their marriage, or who have been

though a painful divorce.  I know there are many reasons why, and why I can have sympathy for them, I have never been able to have empathy for them.  I have never identified with the feelings they must have toward their spouse and marriage.  I am happy...Wait! MORE than happy..I am euphoric in my marriage.  I love my wife more than words can describe.  I can not imagine a scenario that would lead me to wanting out.

Does that make me some kind of freak?

So many of my military brothers and sisters have (and continue to) struggle with their service oversees.  We went through the same things together.  We have done and experienced terrible things in the name of “serving our country” and “freedom.”  Many others continue to be plagued with nightmares, anxiety, and are struggling to find their way in “the real world.”  And for far too many, this struggle has been more than they could bear.  But every day, I find it more difficult to identify with those feelings.  Sure, I have a few scars.  Sure, I had some “adjusting” do to once we came home.  And, every once in a while, I spend a quick minute “back there.”  But, I have moved on.  I don’t regret any of it.  There is no anchor around my neck, and no ghost hanging around.  Somehow, those experiences have just passed as “one more part of my life” now in the past.  

What does that mean, am I too cold-hearted to be plagued by the things I’ve done?

Family can be crazy.  I think we all have a few nuts in the family tree.  I have seen many friends missing out on relationships with siblings and parents.  Divided by one subject or another and sometimes it’s as if they have deleted someone from their life.   But I love all the crazy people in my life.  No, we don’t always agree, and I don’t always “like” the choices they make, but I would never want to be without them.  

Does that make me weird?

And to be a father.  It is awesome!  I recently met one of the other baseball dads.  I think he was too busy  talking with his girlfriend (and trashing his wife) to pay any attention to his son on the field.  I see dads every day who care more about the car they drive and their new skinny jeans, than they do about their own children.  But, I think my kids are the greatest treasure I could ever imagine.  (Second only to my wife, of course!)  I love their smiles and their laughs.  I love their

quick wit and sarcasm.  I love that sometimes they are exhausting and I feel like I can’t keep up.  No matter what decisions I am faced with, I can’t help but think how my choices will affect them.  I have never pursued a “career path” only the opportunity to better provide for my children.  I think being a dad is the greatest calling of all.

Am I the only one?

I hope my thoughts are not perceived as judgment of others.  I love my friends and family, and have always tried to support them in whatever place they are in life.  This is not about anyone but me.  The journey of adoption forces introspection.  Self-evaluation of our most secretive emotions.  

And these are the things I struggle with.

Maybe I’m not a freak?  Maybe I am on the path that God has set before me?  This is what I hope.  This is what I pray. 

(If only there were a “voice over” to tell me.)