A Gigantic Leap of Faith

It has taken me a while to get to this place...but, the application and check are in the mail!

I'll be honest.
This is not easy.
This is really, really hard.
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

Brian and I started referring to Elijah's adoption as our "first adoption" even before we had finalized his paperwork.  We knew that there were still faces missing at our dinner table and voices missing from the rooms of our home.  But, there were steps to be taken to finish the first adoption.  Then, came the uprooting of our family and moving to Missouri.

I found myself debating with God.  "Yes.  We'll adopt.  Let me just get things ready to put the house up for sale and get us settled into a new home.  Then, we can talk about it."  I even told our realtor that we had to stay in a certain price range for our new home so that we could afford to move forward with another adoption.  I'm pretty sure she thought we were crazy (and isn't alone, I fear!), but respected our decision and helped to find a home that could accommodate the "Roeslers-not-yet-here."

After a somewhat turbulent move, we settled into our new home, schedules and routine.  I knew the call remained but I entered into my "Jonah phase."  This was marked by periods of time where I either ignored this passion all together or argued with God why it wasn't a good idea...now and maybe never.  I'm grateful that God didn't send a whale to swallow me up to get me on the right path.  (I can't imagine that...I don't even like to touch the outside of fish and don't even get me started on sushi!)  But, I often found the "ah-ha" moments equally jarring to that of being thrown up on a beach.

Over the past 3 months, the intensity to act has left me in tears of frustration and moments of panic.  The root of the issue wasn't whether our home and family can accommodate another child.  It isn't an issue of whether we can provide the essentials of food, clothing and love.  It has always remained a financial struggle.

In order to adopt Elijah, we had to take a leap of faith.  There was a huge outpouring of support and love from both our family as well as our friends.  Our every need was met from car seat to crib to baby clothes to child care for our kiddos while we traveled to and from Florida.  It was amazing and a tremendous blessing!  However, the bulk of the cost of Elijah's adoption came out of our savings and a loan.  We can't do that this time.  This time, there is no "safety net" of a savings account or additional loans to be had.  This time, we are going to be completely dependent on God to provide for our financial needs.

We know that we are going to need to raise the funds to make this happen...and we are going to have to ask for help.  God has begun to teach us new lessons about humility and obedience and we are only done with Step 1!  We have already had a number of friends offer to help with fundraisers.  Talk about a rapid response to prayer!  

We also know that God will provide in unique and surprising ways.  Last Friday morning, I put the check into the mail box. Brian texted me mid-afternoon that he received a surprise check that was $150 MORE than the check that I put into the mail box earlier that day.  God's confirmation delivered...and received.  I could have danced all the way through the rest of my day (if the kids would have allowed it!)!

The journey has begun. 
And, I'll be honest.
(Did you expect anything else?)
This is not easy.
(But, it is so exciting to be living out God's calling through our action.)
This is really, really hard.
(I like control....and, we are simply putting our "yes" out there and letting go of control.)
Why?
Because we are taking a gigantic leap of faith...

"For nothing is impossible with God."

- Luke 1:37