Earlier this week, I posted the following quote to Facebook.
Denial is the gift the brain gives to the heart
when the heart is not yet ready to embrace life's reality.
Throughout the process, I think I viewed everything I did as an "extra" to "normal life." I honestly didn't feel any different as I shared time with friends and finished up the school year, extra-curricular activities and went on our summer trips. Moving was my new "past-time" as we struggled to find a new home, get ours listed and arrange getting our items from here to there. Denial was my gift that at some point life was going to change much more drastically than just having to keep a house clean and de-cluttered.
I love adventures and traveling. So, our frequent adventures to Missouri were "educational" as I learned more about our new home. I felt despair at the prospect of not having a home as school starts for the kids. But, I always had the safety and the security of returning home. This was where our "stuff" was so even though everything else seemed unknown, I had the gift of denial to view the "messy future" as something "out there."
We spent the past two weeks packing boxes. I sorted through 5 years of collected "treasures." Still, I had fun outings with friends. My kids headed to camp and we made the final push to pack up the kitchen and
joint living spaces. Denial twisted the reality in my head from "Tobi, you are moving 10 hours away." to "Tobi, isn't this awesome to have everything so organized in labeled boxes!" And, the gift remained.
While the movers showed up and begin to haul away our life's worth of belongings (an amazingly efficient and quick process), the glimmer of reality began to push it's way into my subconscious thoughts. I stopped sleeping soundly as I churned with all the "what ifs" and "did-we-remember-tos." And, yet I clung to the enthusiasm of the adventure verses dwelling on the "last times."
However, now the truck has left. We cleaned out 5 years of dirt, grime and dust. (Don't even get me started on my housekeeping skills!) We left our keys, garage door openers and codes for the lock box and garage pad. And, we have driven away.
My dad always said that he stayed in the same church as their pastor for over 20 years because he didn't say "good-bye" well. I would argue that I move much more often...but, I still don't say "good-bye" well. I cling to "see-you-later" as an assurance that I don't have to mourn the death of any relationship. And, I maintain that I firmly believe in "see-you-laters." Whether it is on this side of Heaven or not, I will see these friends, again.
However, the tears continue flowing down my cheeks. Because, it is finally time to deal with just a bit of the reality of what this move really means. Yes. I will
maintain these friendships. Yes. I will continue to stalk everyone via modern media and give updates via this blog. But, it is time to say good-bye to what may have been if we did not move.
Good-bye to the schools and teachers who have loved on and taught my kids from preschool through the end of Middle School. Good-bye to our Sunday mornings with a church family who cannot be replaced or duplicated. Good-bye to daily walks with my BFF and coffee times at the local Caribou. Good-bye to friends who have become like sisters, brothers, daughters and sons hanging out in our living room and eating around our kitchen table. Good-bye to my Mom's Group ladies who taught me as much as I taught them. Good-bye to good neighbors and a home that has been filled with wonderful memories. Good-bye to our lives in Albertville.
My heart hurts. I know that God is calling us forward to Missouri. I know that the adventure that is our life will continue to be filled with countless blessings. But for right now, I need a bit of time to feel the full impact that is our reality. Tonight, I thank God for the incredible blessings He bestowed upon our family during this past chapter...while I anxiously await the start of what is next.
While the movers showed up and begin to haul away our life's worth of belongings (an amazingly efficient and quick process), the glimmer of reality began to push it's way into my subconscious thoughts. I stopped sleeping soundly as I churned with all the "what ifs" and "did-we-remember-tos." And, yet I clung to the enthusiasm of the adventure verses dwelling on the "last times."
However, now the truck has left. We cleaned out 5 years of dirt, grime and dust. (Don't even get me started on my housekeeping skills!) We left our keys, garage door openers and codes for the lock box and garage pad. And, we have driven away.
However, the tears continue flowing down my cheeks. Because, it is finally time to deal with just a bit of the reality of what this move really means. Yes. I will
Good-bye to the schools and teachers who have loved on and taught my kids from preschool through the end of Middle School. Good-bye to our Sunday mornings with a church family who cannot be replaced or duplicated. Good-bye to daily walks with my BFF and coffee times at the local Caribou. Good-bye to friends who have become like sisters, brothers, daughters and sons hanging out in our living room and eating around our kitchen table. Good-bye to my Mom's Group ladies who taught me as much as I taught them. Good-bye to good neighbors and a home that has been filled with wonderful memories. Good-bye to our lives in Albertville.
My heart hurts. I know that God is calling us forward to Missouri. I know that the adventure that is our life will continue to be filled with countless blessings. But for right now, I need a bit of time to feel the full impact that is our reality. Tonight, I thank God for the incredible blessings He bestowed upon our family during this past chapter...while I anxiously await the start of what is next.
