I'm not sure if this lack of planning is a result of life experience or just uncertainty. I am deeply familiar and appreciative of the well-worn quote:
"(Wo)Man plans and God laughs."
For almost two years now, we have felt a passionate calling to expand our family. Each decision we make seems to put us farther away from adding children to our family. We are still hopeful for that phone call and match. And, so I wait...feeling powerless to plan because I don't know what the next day, week or month may or may not hold.
While I believe that this may be part of my hesitation to make plans, it isn't the sole reason. I think a bigger piece is the on-going daily reminders that I can only plan and prepare for so much. Even Plan Z won't cover the chaos that is a normal and natural part of living life as a human being with a husband, children, parents, siblings, friends, etc. Today is a perfect (although extreme) example.
Plan A was fully in affect and going beautifully. We have been saving money over the past year so that we could buy a boat for our family. Brian has very fond memories of spending time with his family on the lake during his teen years and we wanted to provide similar opportunities for our kids. We finally had the savings and the right boat came along. Brian picked it up and brought it home on Thursday.
This morning, the kids got up and jumped on getting chores and homework completed. We were like a fine-tuned machine. Teamwork was happening all over the house. Lunch was done and we were on the lake by early afternoon. The weather was beautiful and the kids having a blast. It was everything that we had hoped it would be for the Roesler family. Then, Plan A derailed.
It derailed when Brian leaped out of the boat, his feet slipped out from under him and he fell on the dock at the boat ramp. It further derailed when his arm made impact with a mooring cleat. The clean fracture through his humerus bone (which I have been assured on a number of occasions this evening is not funny AT ALL) in his left arm left us without a plan at all.
And, it was at this point of having absolutely NO plan that God worked His plan. I loudly announced, "I can't do this alone. I need help." And, 4 wonderful strangers stepped forward to help me and the kids. They backed the truck down and loaded up the boat. My 4 beautiful children without complaint (a miracle in itself, may I say?!?) packed up the life vests, deflated the tubes, and unloaded the cooler and towels. We were in the truck and driving towards the ER in 20 minutes flat. When God has a plan, it moves fast!
When I am without a plan, I move into a heightened state of alertness. I have this adrenaline rush and I feel like a tightrope walker moving without a net. Isaac took his dad into the ER while I headed home with the other three children. On the drive, I dished out orders to the remaining three children on the newest Plan A for the night. I have discovered in these moments that telling them "do whatever you think God wants you to do right now" does not meet my lowered standards of a "successful evening." But, with that said, I do believe that God gives me the right words to say...if He didn't, I wouldn't deliver my lines calmly and clearly!
After they put Brian's arm in a splint and sent us home for the night, we return to a home with 4 clean children reading in their beds. New memories were made, today, for sure! They weren't entirely the memories that we were hoping to make, but many of them have been. While Brian is enduring the discomfort created by a new break and good drugs, I am left enduring the discomfort that comes by being reminded that I cannot plan for everything....and, I don't want to. God's plan showed me how He provides for my every need...especially when I ask Him.
So, I think it is safe to give forewarning to all those with whom I have plans this week that our plans are off for now. I'm off to a new plan...and, so far, I am fairly sure it involves a trip to the hospital tomorrow for Brian's surgery and then wherever God leads from there. But first, I'm heading to bed so that I can be prepared for tomorrow's tightrope walk.
