I joked with a friend, today, that I like to "reinvent" myself about every 2 - 3 years. It was my glib explanation for the numerous jobs and hobbies I have held over the past 10 years. However, even with each move or new introduction, I find that my identity as an army wife is one of the first things that I feel the need to share. I find myself telling about the 3 deployments with pride.
I am so very proud of Brian and his service. The sacrifice he has made both with the conditions and experiences overseas as well as missing the births of two of our children is huge! There is a popular e-mail that has gone around that shows soldiers and their living/working conditions overseas and parallels that to life here in the USA. The summation of the e-mail is that a soldier finds it hard to feel sympathy for the "average" person's complaints. I think that rings true for Brian. Although he would be the last person to say it, Brian is fed up hearing about long working days that are only 9 or 10 hours long. He has gone days without sleep in order to accomplish a mission. When Em complains about dinner, Brian states she should simply be glad for warm food. Clearly, he has had enough MREs to last a lifetime! There are the subtle (and obvious) ways that military life has change Brian...but, he is still ready to serve. He'd go again if it were asked of him. That dedication and passion is what I love about him.
I am so very proud of my children and their appreciation for their Dad's service and sacrifice. You know you are a part of a military family when your children can name all the army vehicles, weapons and countries that have been a part of their Dad's missions. But, it is also more than that. Throughout the 4 years that Brian has been gone (over 3 deployments), they have felt the pain of a missing parent. Isaac especially knows what it is like to have a dad gone for 1/2 of the first 6 years of your life. But, he can tell you that his dad was over providing safety for those who couldn't protect themselves. And, they are proud to have been their dad's cheerleader & support. And, our kids get it - there are some things that are worth sacrificing and even some are worth dying for.
And, although an unpopular thing to say, I am proud of myself. I took care of the "home front." I was able to be more than a victim of a difficult situation...but, to be an advocate for my husband and other military families. It is something that marks me as unique and a survivor.
With that said, there is another motive for sharing my identity as a military wife. It is to remind others of the uncomfortable truth that I am the face of a military wife. My children paid the price so that my husband could defend their freedom. It isn't that anyone owes us anything. My point is to bring this war into reality. I hope by meeting me I can put feelings and emotions to the images that others merely experience through their newspapers or television sets.
When Brian was gone, I had the privileged to speak before a number of service organizations. I would begin each time with the following:
"Each day, you have the choice whether to think about or even care that our nation is at war. I do not have that luxury. Each newscast is a personal update. I wait to hear my husband's unit location, familiar city names or casualty updates. Every phone call makes me stop and ponder who would be calling at this hour. I open my e-mail praying that today might be the day I will hear from him and know he is okay. Each time I pass his clothes in our closet, I am reminded that he is wearing fatigues that most likely need cleaning. When I set the table, his seat remains empty and I worry that he won't take time to eat that day. And, every night as I tuck our children into bed, I ache knowing that he isn't there to kiss their heads and I pray that he takes the time to rest his own head.
Unlike during WWII, we do not commit ourselves as a nation to sacrifice on behalf of our soldiers. There are no freedom gardens or gas vouchers. It is less than 5 percent of our nation's population and their families that are on the "front-lines."
I am reminded on this 4th anniversary of SFC Scott Nicely and Sgt Kampha Sourivong death in Iraq, not much has changed. Our nation remains at war. Soldiers and their families are still sacrificing for our nation. But, for me, I have changed...but I have not forgotten.
