The girls and I headed to the pet store this afternoon. The purpose of the trip was to pick-up food items for our current houseful of pets...including crickets for the lizard. Since we had a bit of extra time, we headed over to the pet adoption area. Big mistake! The girls immediately fell in love with a gray kitten. Even though I had warned them before even entering this area of the store that (a) we would be getting NO new pets and (b) I loved their father and wanted to remain married so wouldn't be getting any new pets, both Hannah and Emma began their begging for a new kitten to add to our home.
I successfully got us out of the store without a kitten. I felt a bit guilty when I ended the final car conversation with the words, "you will have to convince your father to get a new kitten before I will even talk to you about it, again." In hindsight, this was another error in judgement for my afternoon. However, in the moment, I felt that neither girl would harass Brian because he is their dad and....well, he's their dad.
I don't think I had the car in park before both girls had launched up the driveway and into the house. I very slowly unloaded the car. Then, I raced into the house, dropped off the pet store goodies and back out to the garage for some cleaning time. I was hiding because in the short moments I had been in the house, I could already hear their begging and Brian's very firm "no." Thank God my husband is stronger than I am!
By dinner time, the girls had rethought their strategy. Kittens become a part of every conversation. We even had an interesting discovery by Hannah that the top of a pie at Perkins could look like the face of a kitten! It was during these final failed attempts that a memory flickered in the recesses of my brain. I had been here before. But, last time, I had been the beggar...
I think I was 13 years old. I had my mind set that I needed my very own pet to snuggle with...that would love me unconditionally, and I was determined to have a cat. My dad was very firm that his home had not and would not have a cat...that was that. I'm sure I began with a logical discussion and moved into begging without any success before coming up with my "move-dad-to-get-me-a-cat-plan." This plan was basically not to speak, smile or look at my father until I got my way.
I don't remember how long it was before I found a letter from my dad on my bed. Although I kept the letter for many years, I don't have it any longer. I do remember it said he loved me and that he was sad I was not talking to him. I think it said that he missed hearing about my day and seeing me smile but that he wouldn't be blackmailed into getting a cat.
I was shocked...and embarassed. I was called out for my behavior, but done so in love. I think that the letter said he wouldn't force me to talk to him or share my day, but that he hoped I would soon. And, in time, obviously, I did.
I am so very grateful that my dad didn't cave...although he did get me a puppy (but that is another blog in itself) at a later time. Clearly, he (and my mom) did an excellent job raising me! And, I think that it was because they allowed me to act out, but didn't hesitate to call me on it. There was unconditional love and boundaries. "No" meant "no." It was and it is a good thing!
So, tonight, my daughters went to bed with their hearts broken. There will be no new kitten at the Roesler household. However, I pray that this experience might be an important lesson in learning that there is unconditional love and boundaries in this home, too. And, it might just give them the upper hand when their daughter(s) desparately MUST have a kitten!
Brian & Tobi
