Riding Shotgun For Santa
I locked and loaded my machine gun
762 in the tray.
Tonight I ride shotgun
In that slick red slay.
The elves have been working
All night and all day
To load all the presents
And the toys they have made.
I've checked all the deer.
Rudolph's nose is a GO.
I shined it myself
To make sure it would glow.
I pressed his uniform.
Then spit shined his boots.
Tonight old St. Nick
Is wearing BDU's.
He shaved his head
And cut off his beard.
I know what your thinking
"this all is too weird."
But tonight our mission
Is important and hard.
Chris Cringle and I
Have a manger to guard.
Joe and Mary are coming.
On a donkey she rides.
And we must be there
To guard by their side.
First to the presents
While the kids are asleep.
We land on their roofs
Down their chimneys we creep.
We place all the gifts
Under each tree.
No time for milk and cookies.
We'll eat MREs.
We work as a team.
It's much faster this way.
We did have to stop
To give the reindeer some hay.
Then we were off.
To Bethlehem far.
The inn is all full.
We must use the barn.
Now cover me Santa.
I'm going in.
So I count to three
And kick the door in.
Inside all we found
Was some livestock and hay.
We cleared out a manger
Here him we will lay.
Then we took our posts.
Me out front, Nick out back.
To protect this place
From a terrorist attack.
Then here they came.
Joe dead on his feet.
He was carrying Mary
As he walked down the street.
Joe's arms were tired
So I took her in mine.
The Mary looked up
And said "it is time."
I laid her down
On the hay on the floor.
Then Joseph took over
And I went back to the door.
At our posts we stood
All through the night.
Vigilant we were.
Ready to fight.
Then came the angles.
Reinforcements at last.
They came singing cadence
With loud trumpet blasts.
The Mary said "Come,
Take a knee by the manager.
All is secure.
We're no longer in danger."
As I knelt on the floor
With Nick at my left,
My heart began
To pound in my chest.
And, that's when I knew
The babe was my savior.
He would stop all the war.
He would save us from danger.
With Old Glory on right shoulder
The Red Bull on the other,
I took off my shirt
And gave it to his mother.
She swaddled him gently.
She wrapped him up tight
To keep out the cold
From the blistering night.
Nick and I took our places
At the door once again.
This time to greet guests
That soon would come in.
Come shepherds and wisemen
And everyone else.
Send word to your wife, Nick.
She should bring the elves.
Everyone should see
This glorious day
When our savior came
To earth here to stay.
Today God sent his son
For men of all kinds.
He'll die for our sins.
He'll pay all our fines.
