Mommy Tears

Okay.  So.  Isaac leaves in 8 hours and 5 minutes and 20 seconds for boot camp for the Army National Guard....not that I'm counting the hours...or minutes...or seconds.  And, let's be honest, I've been a teary MESS for at least the past week....or two....or three...okay, since he graduated.  BUT, I have been pretty "cool" until last week when my older kids began to realize Mom is a WRECK.

In my defense, this is ALL Brian's fault.  He set the stage for excellence and service LONG before Isaac even came into existence.  THREE deployments in the first 7 years of Isaac's life....yup.  You read that right.  He was gone for almost 5 years of Isaac's first 7 years of life...and, we told him "it is honorable for a man to sacrifice time with family, friends and his career in order to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves."  That's what makes a MAN.  Someone who is willing to stand strong and battle for those who have no one fighting for their basic human rights.

And, the stage was set.  Isaac knew from day one that he wanted to be this kind of  MAN.  He wanted to be like his dad who stood up for the underdog...who fought for those who could not fight for themselves...who was willing to sacrifice the "college life" in order to accept the bald-head, push-up filled, grunt-life of the soldier.  He is excited to fulfill this destiny....calling...whatever you want to call it that was set into motion 18 years ago.

I "get it."  Really.  I do.  My logical side completely understandings that it has been my privilege to raise this amazing kid and have him with me for as long as I have.  It is time to return him to God and push him forward.  But....it REALLY stinks.  I love having this kids around.

He is funny....and charming...sarcastic (sometimes to a fault)...handsome...passionate...protective...faith-filled...and, he loves PIZZA.  But, most of all, he loves adventure and (dare I say it?!?) he is just like his DAD.  So much of this journey brings back phantom memories of moments from 24+ years ago...and, I have called him Brian more often than I have called him Isaac in the past month.  Yup.  He is his dad...and that is a GOOD thing!

So...as, I try and contemplate the next four months without him just a text or phone call away...I'm struck by a very REAL reality.  I'm a first-world mama.  We are SO blessed to be dropping off our kids at armories and college campuses ALL around the US.  Does it hurt?  Yes.  Absolutely.  But, here is what I know:

• This is a safe "risk" for my kid.  There is no Taliban, ISIS or forced "child-army" enrollment that has stolen my kid to join their forces at WAY too young of an age.
• The skills, weapons and abilities being taught to my kid will be at his skill level and he is READY.  He won't have to learn life skills "on the go" because his father or I were killed as a result of our religious beliefs leaving him to provide for and protect his siblings.
• He has a homecoming in 4 months and we will still have a home and family for him to return.  Unlike so many refugees who are forced to flee due to conflict or natural disaster, this is a choice that will better his future...and, God-willing, the future of those he is training to protect and serve.
• We have been blessed to provide him 18 years of solid, consistent parenting and a stable home.  He isn't seeking Army-life as an escape from abuse, poverty, foster-care or poor education.  This is his passion and calling....and, he will be a blessing to those who have come to boot camp as a result of tragic and life-trying circumstances.  He was born to lead and serve.  I have always said, "Brian saved more souls for Jesus in the Army than I EVER saved working for the church in 18+ years."  

While I'm sure I could go on...often times, I write (or preach) the words that I need to hear.  Tonight, I rest in the knowledge that we are blessed.  God is good.  Isaac is leaving...but, he will return.